It happened. She broke up with you.
It wasn’t your choice. You thought things were fine, or you knew there were problems, but you thought you were working on it. She seems to have thought otherwise.
He thought that if he could just get through the vacations, he would be fine, but that’s not what happened.
Right now you feel devastated, betrayed, deeply hurt and unsure of how you are going to move forward.
You’re not sure what’s next or how to move forward, but you’re here looking for help. And I’ve got some help for you – read on!
All of those emotions are really strong and need to be acknowledged, felt and talked through. Make sure you do that and work with a great therapist or coach if necessary.
The truth is that you will continue and find a way forward, but how will you spend the next few days and then the next few weeks?
Here are the big two after a breakup:
1. Move things around in your living space.
Break your patterns related to having her in your space. This is a great way to change how you feel.
Move your stuff. Move the bed. Move the dresser. Move the couch. Move everything in your kitchen cabinets. Move the coffee pot. Paint the bedroom. Buy new sheets and a new pillow.
If you think there is no way to move the bed, challenge yourself to find a way to change other things in the bedroom. This is energy shifting in a simple but powerful way.
Listen to new music, not the old stuff you shared with her. Moving everything in your apartment or house will break the pattern in her mind and emotions of coming in and expecting to see her.
Your mind will have to think about where you put the spoons and how much you like new sheets and pillows.
“You have to decide
that you will move forward.
2. Do not remain in constant contact.
Break the pattern of having it constantly present and in your head.
Don’t call. Don’t email or text, except about necessary things, like telling him to come get his stuff out of your house or how he’ll pay you the money he owes you. Then make a plan for a friend to be there.
3. Don’t Facebook your breakup mess.
Change your relationship status if necessary and then disconnect from all your social media accounts. Unfriend her. Stop following her. If necessary, block her on Facebook and on your phone.
Create space for you to think clearly and process your emotions. If you stay connected on social media, every time you see her update her status, it becomes another stab at the breakup knife.
Moving forward takes time, focus and commitment to yourself. For some, moving forward is easy and logical. For others, moving forward is very difficult and sometimes seems impossible. It is not impossible if you commit to it.
You have to decide not only that you should move forward, but that you will. That makes your brain start looking for solutions instead of getting stuck.
Challenge yourself to let it go, learn the lessons of that relationship and become a better version of yourself.
Your heart will heal. You will have a scar on your heart, but scars are just one of the things that make us profoundly human.