4 Do’s and Don’ts for Older Women on a First Date

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Every 50-year love story begins with a first date. This official first time of being “with” a new man often contorts her mind and emotions in ways that are very intimidating and nerve-wracking, leaving the woman (and her date) feeling scared and vulnerable. Still, all good things must outweigh the discomfort that comes with the “starting point.”

Take some time to think about your date before it happens, realize that the man is in a similar situation and make sure you understand that he is not the enemy. It takes two to make a good date, so consider some of these do’s and don’ts to give the date the best chance of success.

Put your best foot forward.

Your best foot isn’t the one with all the bunions, calluses and ingrown toenails. It is, metaphorically speaking, the well-pedicured one with trimmed and painted toenails that is ready to star in a bath soap commercial.

“Be yourself” is great advice, but on the first date, you’ll want to reveal the most endearing aspects of yourself.

Save the pleasantries about your last five doctor visits for a later date. (Much later.) Certainly, it’s reasonable to briefly address mobility and dietary issues that might become important during the appointment, but there’s no need to drag any drama or shocking personal information to the first appointment.

“This is a clean slate and a new

Start, so don’t start with old fears”.

2. Don’t talk too much about the past.

Your date may be interested, generally speaking, in whether you have had a wonderful or painful existence. Just keep the details to a minimum.

There’s no point in baring your soul to someone you’ll only see once, and if you go on and on too much, that might guarantee no repeat performance.

You can tell him that his daughter has some challenges in their relationship, but that he doesn’t want to hear about his “good-for-nothing” son-in-law’s daily misdeeds just yet. Touch the surface, but save the depth and emotion for later.

Remember, the goal of a first date is to get to know each other to determine if there is a reason to go on a second date, not to throw all your baggage at her feet.

Be open-minded.

Don’t set your expectations too high and don’t make a snap decision that he’s not the man for you. You know you’re a little more set in your ways these days if you’re honest with yourself.

Men’s are not like comfortable shoes that you can just slip on and start running. They’re more like your choice of handbags.

Sure, you miss the zippered compartment where you kept all your special things in the bag that is gone, but the new bag may have some nice features that you will adapt to and find to your liking for many different reasons.

Give it a chance, and if the date wasn’t horrible, be open to the possibility of a second date.

Don’t blame him for other men’s mistakes.

Men do not like women who wear their emotional scars on their sleeves or who have an overt distrust of all men because of the sins of a few.

It’s pretty obvious where the questions are coming from if you start asking things like, “You’re not a drinker, are you?” “Do you beat up all your women, or just some of them?” or “You’re not going to die with me next month, are you?”

Your insecurities and pain are important, but these questions are not appropriate for someone you barely know. He might think you’re a psycho woman and run for the hills.

You are an equal partner in the dating relationship, so take some responsibility for the success of the date and the course of the relationship. If you don’t want to see him again, wish him good luck and move on.

If you think one more appointment might be necessary, tell him you had a good time and that you can call him tomorrow between 2:00 p.m. and 5:00 p.m. if you like.

The best advice is to treat the date as a chat with a new friend, and not as if there is some urgency to force him into the role of the perfect prince. For better or worse, he will be nothing like the man you left behind, and you will be nothing like the woman he raised a family with.

This is a clean slate and a fresh start, so don’t start with old fears, silly expectations or harsh judgments from the beginning. It may take a few tries to find a good match, and it may take a few relationship-breaking dates until you feel comfortable.

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