In my experience coaching single gay men, I have found that there are four main areas that, if successfully cultivated and worked on, tend to foster greater dating opportunities that produce results.
If you have had difficulty establishing and maintaining relationships with the guys you know, perhaps something is not right in one of these categories and you could direct your energy toward improvement.
There are always factors outside of our control in dating that can impede our progress (like the other guy sometimes!), But it’s important to avoid blaming and putting too much emphasis on externals.
Instead, we can take responsibility by making sure we invest in our own personal development and become a “Mr. Right” as well.
This is also always an evolution, as we are always developing and changing as we grow and mature.
So take a look at these four categories below and perform a self-assessment to determine where your strengths and weaknesses lie.
1. Vision.
Actually, this has nothing to do with dating and everything to do with your own personal growth. This section is about you having a solid life structure in place.
You know who you are and what you stand for, and you also have a full life that you are passionate about and enjoy. You have life goals, purpose and a good degree of balance between responsibility and play.
It is very difficult to have a stable love life without this foundation in place, so that you are not distracted by a lack of direction and can define your happiness solely around a relationship, something that tends to be disastrous in the long run.
“A successful person has good communication.
skills and demonstrates confidence.
Personal requirements.
This means knowing what you are looking for in a partner and a relationship.
The astute man knows what his negotiable and non-negotiable needs are and then uses this knowledge as his selection tool to ensure that he only engages romantically with those who meet these criteria.
Many gay daters have thrown caution to the wind and approached dating with a “wing it” approach or one that is driven solely by sexual attraction and chemistry.
By incorporating the wisdom of your requirements, along with your libido, you will increase your chances of avoiding distress and not wasting time and energy on prospects that will not lead you to your goal.
3. Psychological well-being.
We all have self-sabotaging tendencies, unfinished emotional business from the past, losses that we must grieve, etc.
Unfortunately, until we address these issues, they can taint our relationships as we project these unhealthy defense mechanisms and emotional reactions with our boyfriends, causing the potential for sabotage and demise of the relationship.
The psychologically savvy man has done the work to make sure he is both physically and emotionally available for love and is always dedicated to working to make sure this remains the case. He has his priorities straight!
4. Dating skills.
This is the subject of social skills.
A successful person has good communication skills, has the ability to flirt, is assertive and direct, has integrity, follows through on what they say they will do, and demonstrates confidence and self-esteem when interacting with others.
You have good listening skills, are able to establish and maintain conversations, and demonstrate empathy and good manners.
So how did you do, congratulations on all the areas that are your assets! And for those areas that need strengthening, what will be your action plan to improve those competencies? You’ll be great!
