Loneliness: is it an attitude or a place? I know you see it as a feeling.
You say to yourself, “I’m lonely.” Or maybe you say, “I feel lonely.”
And then there are the places that have been described as the loneliest places on Earth.
Most often, the loneliest place on Earth is when you’re in a crowd of happy people and you’re miserable.
Yes, that is the feeling of loneliness.
And that is an attitude that is creating loneliness.
We feel what we think and what we focus on. Believe it or not, you are creating all of your feelings, including the feeling of loneliness.
When we feel lonely, we are projecting a movie in our head.
This movie has a story that says: Life shouldn’t be like this. You shouldn’t be alone.
You shouldn’t have to live alone, sleep alone, eat alone and go to the gym alone. Add anything else that fits this story for you.
I know it’s hard. I’ve struggled with feeling lonely since I was a kid.
I was the only child with four siblings. We often lived in places where there was nothing to do and no one to do it with. I am very intimate with the feeling of loneliness.
You can break the back of that feeling of loneliness with a few key strategies.
1. When you realize you are lonely, say this:
“What I’m feeling right now is loneliness.”
You are not “being” alone. You’re feeling it. And our feelings change all day long.
“Our feelings really are
under our control.
2. Be curious.
Ask yourself something like, “Wow, this is an interesting feeling. I wonder what else I could be feeling right now.”
Yes, I agree that it seems like a strange question to ask, but it is a very enriching question. It gives you permission to feel something different.
It also makes your mind search for something different.
You might feel sad, angry, bored or happy. If you change your approach, it will change how you feel.
3. Move.
It’s obvious, isn’t it? You can change your emotions with one question.
You can also change your emotions by doing something that moves your body. When you change your physical body, your mind and emotions also change.
You’ve heard of runner’s high, right? Exactly. That’s using the body and creating an emotion or feeling from that movement.
4. Be creative.
Take out a piece of paper. Set a timer for five minutes. Now write about feeling lonely. Write how you feel when you feel lonely.
Why do you feel lonely? How do you see yourself when you feel lonely?
How do you sound when you feel lonely? How do you smell when you feel lonely? How do you eat when you feel lonely?
Now let’s change the focus.
You will think and focus on happiness.
Now write about how you look when you are happy.
How do you eat when you feel happy? How do you sound when you feel happy? How do you smell when you feel happy?
How does happy sound? What does happy feel like?
Are you noticing that you no longer feel lonely? Are you noticing that the feeling of loneliness is getting smaller and, like a burp, is leaving your body? Are you not feeling better?
Our feelings are really under our control. You can spend time visiting the feeling of loneliness. When you are done, you now have a map to find the feeling of happiness.
This is a simple exercise that you can repeat in your head and nip that horrible feeling of loneliness in the bud.
Readers, did you do the exercise, how did it make you feel? Let me know in the comments section.
