4 tips for gay dating in small communities


What’s a single gay guy to do when he lives in a rural area that lacks a vibrant gay community?

It’s hard enough to find a quality dating prospect in a booming metropolis, but it can seem almost impossible when you live in a geographic area with a tiny population that certainly seems predominantly heterosexual.

You may feel very isolated and desperate if you are in search of a life partner when living in these circumstances. It is like living on a desert island destined for a future of loneliness and solitude.

It doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom

There are a few things you can do about your situation with varying degrees of success on the likelihood scale.

Should you move to an area that has a larger gay population? Or should you stay on the grounds of your current home and devise different strategies to achieve your dating goals?

Both are viable options in this situation, and what you choose to do will depend on your priorities and goals, financial resources and unique life circumstances.

The harsh reality is that dating is a numbers game.

Considering that gay people reportedly only represent less than 10 percent of the population, our dating pool is significantly limited when you look at it this way.

Next, you should examine compatibility factors (attraction, value alignment, personality, sexual style, etc.), including additional screening measures unique to gay men (up vs. down, out vs. closet, STI status, etc.).

To further complicate this situation, homosexual men have been shown to suffer disproportionately more substance abuse and mental health problems than their heterosexual counterparts.

Is it any wonder why there are so many single gay men frustrated with the difficulties of finding a quality catch?

While quality is more important than quantity, the chances of finding a suitable match increase when you immerse yourself in an area where there is a larger pool of dating candidates to meet and vet.

It is still possible to find a boyfriend when living in a small community. However, it will probably be more challenging due to the smaller number and invisibility of these men in these areas.

Here are my top tips for gay daters in small communities:

1 moving to a gay metropolis

If you have the opportunity and the means to move your life to an area where there is a higher concentration of gay residents, this could be an advantageous decision.

It still doesn’t guarantee the perfect boyfriend, but if you’re a gambler, your odds increase.

If this is something you can do, a recent 2014 study by The Advocate has identified the top 15 cities where gays and lesbians congregate and have a more homogeneous population.

Some cities at the top of the list include Washington, DC, Pasadena, California and Seattle, Washington.

2. Check out gay dating sites.

Here you can write a detailed profile containing your personal requirements for a partner and relationship in a way that will attract qualified prospects.

Advanced technology has become a considerable asset for those living outside urban areas because it provides visibility to other single gay men who would otherwise be hidden and unknown.

You might never know that hot guy across town was gay if it weren’t for the availability of these online dating sites, and now more opportunities abound to meet other people in your local area than ever before were possible on the Internet.

3. Use gay dating apps

Apps such as Grindr can be very advantageous dating tools due to their ability to display the geographic distance between you and a potential customer.

Just like online dating sites, local guys could be just around the corner and you would never know it without this new place that is now available.

However, be careful with this one, as it can also be used as a connection site.

Be very clear in your profile about what you are looking for to weed out people who are just looking for sex.

4.Start your own gay club or group.

Advertise online, in newspapers, on Meetup.com or elsewhere to attract other local gay men who might otherwise be hidden.

This will help form a sense of community, reduce alienation, create a new source of support networks for friends and dating, and give you a sense of empowerment and control to make some movement toward your ultimate goal of connection and possible dating opportunities.

So what do you think about this dilemma: should you move or stay put? What has been your experience? What advice could you give to someone who lives in a small community and cannot move to a large urban area?


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