Each couple must negotiate their relationship contract regarding monogamy. This usually involves discussing one’s values about sex and fidelity.
For some homosexual couples, strict fidelity is the norm. For others, an open relationship has been adopted in which playing with others has been allowed; this usually comes with its own set of ground rules for various aspects of this arrangement.
One such scenario that some couples choose is to have a threesome with an outdoor party. As with everything, there are pros and cons to opting for this particular sexual scene.
Some men say that threesomes can be stimulating, add a little more spice to the sex life and are just plain fun and exciting. The downside is that jealousy can arise, one partner can feel left out and one’s relationship can suffer if the threesome is used as a solution to a strained intimate life between partners.
If you choose to have a threesome, it is best to make sure that your sexual relationship with your partner is solid and satisfying, you both verify your motives for wanting to pursue a third party, and the threesome is a complement to an already satisfying erotic life.
An additional unforeseen side effect that can occur when pursuing a threesome is that feelings can enter the mix. What do you do if you develop a romantic interest in your third or, even more dramatically, fall in love with him? Ouch!
This unexpected turn of events can certainly affect the evolution of what you thought you would have in your relationship with your partner and can create a great deal of drama and stress that may cause you to question the direction of your life.
There are four options to choose from if you find yourself at this juncture. There are no right or wrong answers, only you can decide what will be best for you in the long run.
There are also advantages and disadvantages to each of the options that you will need to consider. Ultimately, you will need to consult your values in making the decision you can live with.
There is a lot at stake with this decision. This is not something you should act on impulsively because people are likely to get hurt, and you will want to make sure you have done your due diligence to make sure a responsible decision has been made.
So these are the options you should contemplate as you move forward in your decision making:
1.Stay with your partner and interrupt contact with the third party.
You have invested a lot in the relationship with your partner and you must realize what you would be losing if you leave him/her for the third party.
You realize that it would be in your best interest to discontinue contact with the third party because their presence will continue to play on your emotions and create a barrier in your intimate connection with your partner.
You are likely to go through a grieving process when you “let go” of your third party, and it will be important for you to overcome these feelings and channel your energies to reinvest
with your partner and making an assessment of all the reasons why staying with your man is the best option for you.
You may decide to discontinue further threesomes and renegotiate your fidelity contract due to the vulnerability these scenarios can create.
Or you can continue with your open relationship and set new boundaries around what is allowed and what is not (i.e., only have threesomes once with a given man).
You will also need to decide whether to tell your partner about the feelings you have developed and why you want to alter the relationship contract.
2.Leave your partner and seek a relationship with the third party.
She discovers that her feelings for her third party are too powerful and has received validation that he reciprocates her romantic feelings and wants to explore what is possible.
You are likely to feel a lot of pain and hurt when you break up with your partner, which will also require you to go through a grieving process.
It is important to realize that there can be no fair comparison between your partner and the third party as to what constitutes “real life” love. The feelings you have for the third party are reminiscent of the “honeymoon period” in a relationship, characterized by great chemistry and attraction.
You have not experienced this relationship in the context of the stressors, responsibilities and difficulties of everyday life. You need to make sure that your feelings for him are based in reality and recognize the risks inherent in leaving your partner for something that may not be a given.
You will also want to make sure that the third party matches your personal requirements for a partner and relationship.
3.Continue your relationship and threesome in silence.
You want your cake. You don’t want to lose your partner because of the love and security you have.
Nor would you want to give up the relationship you are developing with your third party because it fulfills a special need in your life.
The advantage here is that it’s like Christmas for you every day. Unfortunately, in the long run, this option causes unbearable stress and distraction that can lead to burnout and create barriers to intimacy with both men.
This is not an easy long-term solution to your dilemma.
4- develops a threesome relationship
After discussing your dilemma with both your partner and your third party, the three of you choose to develop a threesome relationship. Although rare, these relationship styles exist and work well for some partners.
The risk of suggesting this to your partner is that he may not accept it and your proposal may hurt him, which could jeopardize your relationship.
Open and honest communication, management of jealousy and torn loyalties, and renegotiation of the relationship contract will be important elements in promoting a positive prognosis for the longevity of this relationship style.
So what do you think about this particular dilemma? Are there other options? Have you ever encountered this problem? If so, how did you handle it?
