Your dating past is always a tricky topic of conversation to broach with a lady you’re dating, but it’s even more problematic when you’re older and have a long and extensive past to discuss.
Here are some important points to keep in mind to make this conversation go as smoothly as possible.
1. Give a summary and that’s it.
You are under no obligation to tell your new lady everything about your past. This is obviously true when you’re on a first date with a woman, but it still holds true even after you’ve been seriously dating someone for a long time.
Tell your wife about the biggest successes in your love life and anything important that comes up as a relevant element of your relationship (as if you have a wife and you have children and grandchildren), but beyond that, you are under no obligation to share them all.
As a side note, the same is true in reverse. You don’t need to know everything about your new woman’s love life, and you shouldn’t push for anything more than the Cliff Notes version of how she got to where she is now, which is with you, after all.
2. Only cover the most important points on the dates.
It’s natural to talk a little about whether you’ve just ended another relationship or if you’ve been married in the past (and how many times), but don’t feel like you need to have that conversation after it comes up. .
The first few times you go out with a woman you should concentrate on seeing if you like and enjoy them and that’s it.
Share the above Cliff Notes review of your dating history for when you start thinking about committing to each other in some serious way.
“If you set the tone, talking about your
dating someone in the past will be a productive experience”.
3. What you have learned and what you are looking for now.
Your past dating life is only important to the extent that it made you the man you are today. So, instead of obsessing over the past and getting lost in nostalgia or bitterness, move quickly from discussing the details of your dating past to talking about how that past has impacted your growth as a man and as a relationship partner.
Women want to know what your past life is like because they are curious about who you are and how you became that man. They don’t really care much about 30-year-old gossip.
Having this broader conversation is also a good way to make sure you are both on the same page and understand each other’s current dating expectations.
4. Keep it short.
Instead of focusing on the past, you should focus on the here and now. Women are perceptive and will only continue a conversation about your dating past if you keep rambling on about it.
If you make it very clear what happened in your dating past, how you felt about it and how you changed it, then your wife will probably be satisfied.
Similarly, keep your questions equally brief and avoid asking more follow-up questions than you are really interested in. Keep the conversation moving so she doesn’t keep talking in circles.
If you set the tone and pace of the conversation and stick to it, talking about your dating past will be a productive, shared experience rather than a painful chore.
