Did you see the latest DatingRanking.net study reporting that gay Americans are three times more likely to have a threesome?
What are your thoughts and why do you think this is? Is it because gay men are more liberal and uninhibited when it comes to sexual activity?
Is it because we don’t have norms around sexuality like our heterosexual counterparts that we have to follow and therefore dance to the beat of our own drummer? Is it because we rebel against the moral majority as a marginalized group?
Whatever the reasons, careful forethought should be taken in deciding to lock limbs with multiple partners, as these scenarios can be more complex and complicated with the greater number of players involved, especially if you are in a committed relationship.
This article outlines some important considerations to consider if you are choosing to seek more sexual variety with a third party.
1. Examine your motives
As with any decision you make, you will want to do some introspection to determine what your real reasons are for wanting to participate in a threesome.
It is important that your motivations for wanting to do so are the right reasons to avoid regret and hurt feelings later.
Looking for sexual variety, freedom and consensual experimentation to enrich your life? Probably good!
If you’re doing it to appease a partner who is pressuring you and you’re afraid they’ll leave you if you don’t expand your boundaries, then it’s more likely to be a bad idea that will torment you.
2. Conduct a pros and cons analysis.
While this may seem to take away from the spontaneity and fun, it is always best with any decision to weigh the pros and cons of doing it versus abstaining.
If after weighing these options it seems like a good idea, you have done your due diligence in being responsible in the exercise of good judgment.
If you decide it’s not something you’re going to pursue, perhaps you can think of other options or outlets to express your desires and fantasies.
3. Assess the strength of your relationship
If you are in a committed relationship and the two of you have decided to include a third party in your bedroom activities, it is important to assess the strength of your bond and commitment to each other.
While they can be fun and add a little more spice to your sex life, threesomes add a whole new dimension and dynamic that requires a solid foundation on which to build your relationship.
No relationship is superficial. Having a threesome may look like a no-strings-attached, wham-bam arrangement, but there are always feelings involved.
Are any of you prone to jealousy or insecurity?
It is generally not recommended to invite a third party into the mix until you and your partner have some experience as a couple and have a solid relationship to protect against any of these unforeseen problems that may arise.
New relationships need time to develop and mature first. You and your partner will also want to have a conversation about your beliefs and values about monogamy and non-monogamy to make sure you are both on the same page before jumping into a threesome situation.
4.Make an assessment of your sexual limits.
Next, it is wise to take stock of your sexual likes, dislikes, preferences and limits. What are you going to do? What do you want?
Keeping these boundaries in mind will make for a better sexual experience and allow you to communicate them to your partners before the big event so that there is no
surprises or accidents.
This would also be a good time to establish safer sex guidelines so that everyone is on the same page about expectations regarding this.
If you are in a committed relationship, you and your partner will want to discuss these boundaries at length with each other.
What is okay and what is not okay to do with the third party? Is it okay to kiss? Annal?
Establish these parameters in advance and you will be protecting the interests of your relationship. Communication is key.
5. Balanced game is ideal
Now the fun begins, as the three of you get naked and engage in your mnage a trois. A successful threesome is where each of the individuals receives plenty of attention and balanced play so that no one feels left out.
As difficult as it may be while doing so, try to be mindful of equal treatment so that everyone is satisfied (unless arrangements have been made in advance that differ from this model, such as one partner watching two others play, etc.).
If you are in a committed relationship, it is also recommended that you focus on each other during the interlude and always make sure you have an active and satisfying sex life as a couple.
The threesome should be a complement to your erotic life so as not to interfere with your connection as partners.
Threesomes are not for everyone, and require everyone involved to take stock of what the experience means, to make sure you are living in accordance with your values and beliefs, and that you are approached with responsibility, integrity and an open mind.
This is just one suggested model for approaching three-way sexual experiences. The beauty of being gay is that we can define our own paths to fulfillment in our relationships and sexuality without stereotypical expectations or norms.
However, it is essential to know yourself, protect yourself and others, and be communicative, so choosing to pursue this option will increase the likelihood of a safe and enjoyable experience for all involved.
What are your thoughts and feelings about threesomes? What have your experiences with them been like? What additional suggestions do you have to contribute to this discussion?
