There was chemistry, attraction and some fireworks. You kissed in the parking lot so long you lost track of time. You drove home tingling and turned on.
You thought she’s fabulous, sexy and hot, and you love how she kisses. You’re pretty sure this one has staying power because WOW was she great. She told you she thought you were cool, funny and amazing. She loved your lips and so on and so forth.
Now there’s no stopping the movie running through your head about how great the next date will be and whether you’ll move into her place or she’ll move into your place.
Brakes please. Stop!
You’ve had one make out session and you’ve already written the rest of your life with her. You already see the two of you as a couple and that’s just not so! You’ve entered a fantasy land, The Twilight Zone or maybe your worst nightmare.
Let’s count all the reasons why you are not a couple!
1. They don’t really know each other
The most obvious one is that having sex does not make them a couple, any more than kissing makes them a couple or guarantees a next date.
Being a couple is a process of getting to know each other in bed and out of bed. Out of bed is fundamental because that’s where you spend most of your life.
2. Your hormones are overloaded
Playing tongue field hockey with a hottie is exciting. You shoot a bunch of hormones in your body and it feels intoxicating. Yes, it’s like being drunk. Kissing releases hormones that act like drugs or alcohol in your body and alter your perceptions. They mess up your ability to think and make decisions.
Getting to act on their physical desire does not make them a couple. It just means they were both horny and acted on being horny, not in love.
3. Lesbians kiss each other for many different reasons.
She could be drunk and won’t even remember what she did in the morning. She’s lonely or you’re lonely, and she simply wants to feel connected in the moment.
She wants to make someone else jealous and you were an easy prey. She wanted to test you, and you may or may not pass. You kissed. That’s it.
4. He doesn’t like you enough to have a relationship yet.
A first date is just a start to learn if there is a possibility of a relationship. When you add kissing, it all gets mixed in with what it feels like to be horny and maybe even have an orgasm. None of this means she likes you enough to have a relationship with you.
Finally, kissing is not a great test of being liked or loved. Even lesbians make out with women for the wrong reasons. Yes, even lesbians will use other women for sex and then walk away.
The bottom line
Kissing is fun, but it doesn’t mean you are a couple. Being a couple is a decision you make together. It’s a decision you talk about and agree on together. You use words, not your body, to consciously create a commitment as a couple.
The kiss happens, and if it does, enjoy it like crazy because it may not happen again with that woman.
And if the next day she’s still interested in seeing you again, great.
What’s really nice is that if you’re both still interested at the end of eight, nine or 15 dates, you’re now on your way to being a couple.
