“A good man often looks awkward simply because he does not take advantage of the myriad, meager possibilities of looking dashing. Preferring truth to form, he doesn’t constantly work on the facade of his appearance.” ~ Alanis Morissette
Perhaps the most important question mature single women ask is where and how to meet a good man.
Let’s define what good means.
In this context, let’s say that a good man is a man of respectable character who is interested in a loving and committed relationship with a woman. He is emotionally available, responsible, attentive and employed.
At this point, you may roll your eyes and think these men are as rare as an antique Ming vase at a garage sale.
While there may be an argument to be made that there are plenty of good men readily available, I am honest enough to admit that, as a 40-something single woman, I certainly didn’t feel that way.
So, starting with the premise that there are actually more single women than men in the world, what is a girl supposed to do?
1. Examine your expectations.
It is important to be clear about what kind of relationship you want and what qualities and characteristics you desire in a partner.
However, the danger of being so rigid or specific is that you may miss the opportunity to meet a really good man.
Do you want a perfect man or a good man? Do you want someone who has the wisdom that comes only through vast life experiences, but wish it came without any of the baggage?
Are you able to clearly recognize a good man with real potential even if at first he doesn’t surprise you with his looks, charm or personality?
The point here is that sometimes you have to look beneath the surface to find the hidden gems.
“If a relationship is really important to
you, be prepared to make an effort”.
2. Leave at the door the cynicism that strikes men.
Living your life with joy will require some forgiveness and healing. Nothing is less attractive than bitterness, and it’s rare for someone to make it past 40 without having a multitude of things to be disappointed about.
Life happens to all of us and the men you know need some compassion too.
Now, I am not suggesting that you accept a man as a “fixer-upper” project, but I am suggesting that some genuine kindness and understanding is necessary.
Beware of serious character flaws and addictions, but be willing to give a decent, well-meaning guy a chance.
3. Stretch beyond your routine and comfort zone.
I can’t tell you how many women tell me how much they’d love to be in a relationship, but they haven’t done much to meet someone new in years.
It’s amazing how many men you can meet if you decide to make this a priority.
If you really want to find a great man (despite what may seem like insurmountable odds), you must have a strategic and proactive social strategy.
Many women take a very passive approach to meeting new men and believe that it will just happen if it is supposed to.
Really, ladies? You really want to leave this to chance?
You may believe that women who find love later in life were simply “lucky,” but more often than not, there are intentional actions they took to create the opportunity.
Yes, you should lead a full and happy life as a single woman. No, your life does not need to revolve around meeting a man.
However, if a relationship is really important to you, be prepared to make an effort.
Ladies, have you ever told yourself that all good men are taken? How are you going to change your way of thinking?