Ten Keys to Boosting Your “Hotness Factor” in the Gay Dating World: Part 1


Dating can be an elusive activity, particularly in the gay community where we were not offered a roadmap during our socialization as children on how to negotiate intimate male-to-male relationships.

Left to our own devices, many of us have stumbled trying to figure out the best method to hook our Mr. Place, or ended up not being who he originally claimed to be.

And that is the purpose of this column to help you develop some skills and strategies to enhance your love life and maximize your success in meeting and maintaining relationships with compatible men in your quest to find a life partner.

One of the most common questions I get is, “How do I make myself more attractive to get better results with men?” This 3-part article series will address some key elements to help you up your game.

As you’ll see, it’s much more about attitude and approach than anything else, as well as making sure you’re attracting attention. Right The type of attention, since “quality” of prospects is more important than “quantity,” and you also want to make sure you’re gaining the attention of relationally minded men.

Keep counting down the factors that will increase your “hotness quotient” in the dating jungle!

10. Use good social etiquette.

This may seem like a no-brainer, but it is amazing how people dismiss the importance of those basic social skills that are prerequisites for a successful relationship.

This means having good manners, making sure you say “please” and “thank you” and being gentlemanly with your date. There is nothing sexier! It communicates respect, refinement and maturity.

In the online world, this seems to have disappeared completely! Another aspect of this involves behaving with integrity , doing what you say you are going to do and being consistent with this over the long term.

9. Have strong communication skills.

This is an area that many men struggle with, and an entire course could be devoted to this!

This involves having a well-honed knowledge and execution of conversational skills, being able to express thoughts and feelings in a direct and assertive manner, being an active listener, and learning to validate and attend to your dating prospects.

Making sure your words match your body language, as well as being comfortable with authentic flirting can make all the difference here!

Good books on this topic include Neil Kaminsky’s “Man Talk: A Gay Couple’s Guide to Communication” and Rik Isensee’s “Love Between Men: Enhancing Intimacy and Resolving Conflict in Gay Relationships.”

And we’re just getting started! Stay tuned next week for Part 2 on how to help them get sexy back!


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