But here's another real thing, that is very much the foundation of my letter for you today:
if you've wished you might have a partner to pal around with and share life's ups and downs-and you have not yet found him-for shit-sake, don't let fear guide you into giving up on the ideal of love!
Here's all you need to do:
make some appropriate tweaks,
be a little creative, and
date more like a grownup.
First, stick to the CDC's prevention advice. Period.
Here are dating-specific tweaks to keep you safe so you can continue dating-and not use this like a reason to jump ship in your sex life.
1. Come with an adult conversation before dating face-to-face.
Pre COVID-19, I'd have advised you of this standard dating rule: Don't air out any medical mishegas before you decide to meet, or perhaps on a first or second date.
In the 'who knows WTF is going on with this particular disease” world, everything has to alter.
Holding back on the talk about health is not advisable, especially if your worry level concerning the virus is high. Some grownup talk is needed, and incredibly early on. Definitely, before you meet.
Do the two of you have a similar degree of concern about the threat? Do you think there should be special precautions when you're together? Is there a possibility you've been exposed? Do you even care??
Look, it's already hard to feel physically and emotionally safe while dating. In the world of the coronavirus, some mutual understanding of one another's concerns and possible exposure to the disease can help reduce anxiety with that front. Besides, how will you have any fun if you're concerned about contracting some horrific disease?
Yah, it can be kinda weird talking about this. But it is not too different than convos you need to be having about safe sex. You're a grownup, aren't you? You can do it. Here's how to start the conversation:
DON'T do this: Hi Bob, I'm Mary. I'm scared shitless and want to know about your health and how you will keep me safe if we ever meet. And by the way, don't think for a minute that you'll touch me by any means.
DO this: Hey Bob, btw before we meet, are you currently game for any quick convo about this scary virus thing so we can get it of the way and have fun? What exactly are your thoughts about anything we ought to do differently?
The experience with having this type of conversation only deepens your connection and sets you as much as have more meaningful communication going forward. And btw, when the response is “no, I don't want to obtain that conversation,” I highly recommend you progress on. If you're looking for a grown-up, that's.
2. Find new places and the ways to meet.
I've always advised my clients to satisfy personally before forming any kind of conclusion regarding their feelings or future potential. I help them select a safe, quiet place where they can consider his eyes, hear his voice, and find out how he reacts to the environment.
Post-Covid19, you still don't want to be isolated, but you also don't want to be among a lot of potentially virus-y people. Most of the usual busy coffee houses, restaurants, and lounges may be out.
Instead, have a ride a bike. Meet in a park bench or lay down a blanket at the beach. Walk a labyrinth. Work out or run around the block or in a local school track.
Try connecting on a different level. Watch the sunset and share about the favorite sunsets you have often seen in the past. Take a walk and find out who are able to explain the most birds and insects, soak from our architecture, or just discuss what comes up!
While I'd rather you maintain the same place, for now, based on where you reside, you may also want to avoid that. So get creative! Use Skype, Facetime, as well as other video-conferencing app. You may still look each other in the eye and listen to your voices.
And hey, since you are coping with tech, there's a chance you'll be able to find out how he handles challenges or makes an effort that will help you in any way. Because it's tech. There will probably be some kind of glitch. Utilize it to your benefit!
3. Don’t stop dating, just agree with guidelines before you meet.
Clearly communicating your needs is a necessary a part of acting like a grownup. If you're not yet doing this in dating and relationships, now is the time to begin!
What do you need to feel safe? If you're scared to become dating with the looming coronavirus threat, exactly what do you need to feel understood?
Don't be shy with one another as you define some mutually agreeable ground rules-but likewise try to make this fun!
Do you need to wear masks? Maybe use that as a way to recognize one another. You may make yours pink and the blue. Must you insist on being a certain amount of space apart? Do you need him to first bathe in sanitizer?
Is touching allowed? Experts agree that the safest way of preventing transmission is to avoid all contact. What exactly are you going to do instead of hugs or handshakes? Fist or elbow bumps? Should you agree on no touching, have some fun by using it. You are always on the date and wish some expression of connection.
How in regards to a greeting of jazz hands? Maybe a bow and a Namaste? Or a Miss America wave?
And do not ever forget – coronavirus or otherwise – the typical eye contact/genuine smile/pause is always a must-do if you want to start off with a great connection.
Look, the fact is that dating can be scary. So is this goddam virus. So is living the rest of your life with no partner who has your back and it is a blast to hang with.
There is always scary stuff available, real and made up. It's not necessary to use this pandemic like a reason to cover, give up, and remain single if you do not desire to be. Just stay informed, make the appropriate changes, let the creativity flow, and date like a grownup.