recently had another of those relationship discussions with a few single
friends. What they have in keeping is, every one has plunged into internet dating.
And everyone agrees that internet dating is more painful than a dental scaling and root planing of all four quadrants of your mouth.
(not her real name) doesn't have complaints about internet dating.
dumped her boyfriend of 2 yrs (I have to mention that the breakup was not an
easy decision, but this article is not about this subject), took a couple of months
off and away to browse around, and joined a web-based dating service. I'll return to her
in a minute.
Why I Worry about Relationships
fascinate me. Coming together fascinates me, why people stay together intrigues
me, and breakups would be the stuff I write about.
is sufficient,” said a friend after i picked her brain about her ex-husband. “15 years
ago? I don't want to review the past. Why do you?” Frankly, she was irritated,
and I didn't blame her.
persistence is really a mixture of wanting to know more about my friends' lives,
combing for material, and wanting to understand the whys of people's behavior.
write, you see, and writers are curious. We wrestle with words and, in trying
to figure out our characters' motivation for acting how they do, push to
make sense of the connection landscape.
Lots of Women Start Over
stories weave around women of a certain age beginning again, changing their lives, dating following a divorce
or perhaps a breakup. Incidentally, a number of my characters discover on the way that
their women friends tend to be more fun and less trouble than a man.
grabbing real-life examples from my friends is what I do. I ask friends and
sometimes new acquaintances intrusive questions.
is how I learned Miranda was having a blast dating three guys.
you read that correctly.
friends gaped in astonishment – or Horror – only at that revelation.
can she juggle three men?” asked a buddy who's met two men online. “Where does
she find them? The people I meet don't allow me get a word in edgewise.” Another
describes the boredom, the misrepresentation, the possible lack of effort.
a couple weeks, Miranda narrowed the arena down to two guys. “I like them
both,” she says. “But my mom likes Bob (not his real name) better.”
did her mom meet Bob? He invited her – Miranda – to lunch and, not wanting to go to his place
by herself, Miranda asked if she could bring her mom.
must really like you,” I said.
puts an optimistic spin on her love life, but she's no push-over and does not be
rushed into taking the relationship to some level she's not comfortable with.
Have Fun Instead of Making Lists of the Wants and Needs
other thing? Her behavior and her attitude are different from other women I've
talked to who would like a significant relationship.
mention a desire for commitment after two or three dates. Or they concentrate on
looks. “I can't help it if I'm into hot guys who work out,” says a buddy who's
were built with a score of unsuitable boyfriends through the years.
have strong ideas in regards to a man's profession, his financial status, and whether
he knows his way around Tuscany.
refuse to continue second dates unless there's chemistry. “If I'm not attracted
the first time I meet someone, what will happen in six months?” says a friend
who's searching for the mythical love-at-first sight.
No complaints. She's usually game for a second date if a man bakes an effort to get at know her. “I
don't wish to think about the way it will all come out,” says Miranda. “Besides,
I'm having too much fun at this time.”
Enjoy Each Date and you will Enjoy Internet dating So Much More
in the center of one of these simple discussions, my brain whirled and clicked. The
difference between Miranda and many of my other friends was her willingness to
complement for the ride, experiencing the moment.
that reminded me of Judith Sills' book, A Fine Romance. Published in
1987, it's nowhere near new, however the dating message is timeless.
get attached to the outcome, a
piece of wisdom that is pretty much the approach to dating that's employed by
my friend Miranda.
think it's another form of that old cliché, “Don't place the cart prior to the
horse.” Imagine that.
this writing, it has been 4 months since Miranda met her two guys, and she's
whittled them down to one special man. Bob. Mother-approved.
like fun in my experience.
share one of your dating stories. Have you reluctantly given a man a second
chance, only to find you hit it off? How do you experience fellows who
misrepresent themselves in their user profiles? Please use the comment box
below and let's possess a conversation!