In the wake of the past A birthday, I wrote a very personal message to the women on my mailing list about how to embrace your incredibly powerful mature femininity. It's the perfect time I share it along with you.
It's about healing.
It's concerning the extraordinary strength of your love like a Woman.
I hope you read it and I'd like to hear your thoughts.
The Mother's Day “holiday” is always somewhat sad for me. It reminds me of what was always missing in my life-
a wise, warm, WOMANLY heart-
nurturing me, cherishing me, and keeping me safe-
a woman whose persistent, unconditional love and boundless support remind me that i'm an individual worth being loved-imperfections and all.
My Mom's been gone a few years now. She gave me none of these things. She only knew how to take.
For quite a long time I harbored some small HOPE that she would change, which was unlike all logic.
I was in my 40s when I finally caught with that Mother – in almost any given moment – never was likely to be in a position to care about me more than she thought about herself.
My mother was incapable of love, affection, and intimacy.
Incapable of crying over another person's pain.
Incapable of seeing me, past herself.
Unable to give up one little bit of herself to create JOY to others-
unless it first fed her need to get what she wanted and also to be the most significant person in the area.
After living for 88 years, I don't think my mother ever experienced love. For herself.
How utterly awful.
I think that having the ability to give love freely and fearlessly is life's ultimate achievement-especially for ladies like us.
Growing up without the kind of “I help you and you're simply my #1” type of love makes its mark on the woman's entire life.
I were built with a great career, friends, things-but always felt an opening. I'd never experienced feeling loved only for who I was-
until I met my husband.
I was single for many years. My countless tries in the love thing all failed miserably. Almost every day I felt so frustrated by being unable to SHARE all the LOVE I had to give.
I finally came to realize that I didn't understand how to love or perhaps be loved. I am talking about in the pure, uncompromising sense. The idea actually terrified me.
It meant leaving myself open to disappointment.
It meant trusting-myself along with a man.
It meant to be the V-word!
I had built a wall around myself-my Wall of I Dare You.
It required years of coaching and therapy to figure out that I am scared of denial I covered up the essence of who I was-
as an individual so that as a woman.
I am a sensitive, kind, and immensely compassionate.
I'm not one for superficiality. I Enjoy making genuine connections with individuals. I NURTURE meaningful, tender, honest relationships.
But being That Woman in the world was far too scary.
Instead, I presented myself as Ms. I-Don't-Need-Anyone tough chick.
I acted superior and judgmental.
I responded with sarcasm when I felt not-good-enough or unappreciated or disrespected.
I had an edge just hard enough to let men realize that they'd get cut if they DARED come too close or reject me in any way.
I was happy with because HARDENED.
And I usually thought that 'the right man' would see beneath my hard exterior into the REAL ME. I figured the right man could be prepared to climb my wall.
No man ever did.
My every day life is so different now.
When I think of methods happy I feel OPENLY LOVING my hubby, being there unconditionally in my friends, and doing my work Assisting you live a life full of love-
I can't imagine how dismal life could be were I to possess a hard heart like my Mother.
My Mother was so closed off and incapable of giving or receiving what's the most basic facet of our humanness-and most particularly our femininity.
Can you relate at all?
Do you ever feel like you aren't the 'real you' on the planet?
Do you wish you can let GO to give and receive love with no barriers? With no FEAR?
Do you ever seem like you're hiding that sweet, feminine side individuals behind a *seemingly* protective wall?
Not with everyone, you say? Only with men?
Well, I will tell you this from experience:
If your wall is up with regards to men-if you are holding back and seeking to protect yourself-I can almost guarantee you that you're holding back love in all parts of your lifetime.
I believe that giving and receiving LOVE is our #1 reason behind existing on this planet.
Not buying stuff.
Not traveling or just being entertained.
Not to be the best at a particular skill or vocation.
As WOMEN, we have such POWER!
We feel so deeply that it hurts.
We distress if those around us aren't happy and healthy.
We throw our arms around those we love.
We cry whenever we see people in need.
Here's something I finally learned and embraced:
Women can change people's lives with the simplest show in our enormous love.
Any time you attempt to be a loving person, you're doing all of your part to SAVE the WORLD. ~ Marianne Williamson
Okay, back to Mother's Day.
To me, Mother's Day is about our enormous capability to LOVE.
For the majority of my entire life I had considered it as a day that brought to mind what I have missed in my life.
Then, a few years ago I acquired an email that totally shifted my perspective.
This email reminded me that this day is all about love, not about purchasing a Mom a card. Not even about not being loved by your Mother.
To hell with my old story-I am capable and actually quite expert, at loving and being loved.
I worked hard to get here. I Rock Love!
Here belongs to that email:
There is really a story the world has told you about Mother's Day. It goes like this: Mother's Day is about a particular type of love. A love that's pink and fluffy and soft and could be bought at the shop. There exists a truer, more thrilling story to let you know. It is going like this: A birthday IS about Love.
But it isn't about commercial, comfortable love that snuggles up and stays home-it's about love that throws open the door and marches out of our homes, beyond our fences and neighborhoods and into the hurting world to give the hungry, shelter the homeless, comfort the hurting, mother the motherless.
Mother's Day was not developed by Hallmark, but with a revolutionary warrior for peace. Julia Ward Howe – abolitionist, activist and poet – was the founding father of the initial A birthday Proclamation in 1870. Fed up with war, fed up with tribalism being valued over the lives of the vulnerable, her pain became her mission. She called out for revolution. She known as the day's the revolution: Mother's Day.
Did you will know?? I didn't until I read that email.
It has stuck with me for years.
All I could think reading it was *damn, I LOVE WOMEN!*
The email shared about an organization known as the Compassionate Collective, that was led by women such as Brene Brown and Elizabeth Gilbert.
This collective of compassionate, powerful women formed this organization to “mother the motherless.” And also to make A birthday about women healing the planet.
Because that, my sister, is what we women do.
Mother's Day is a day to celebrate our beautiful, wide-open, loving hearts.
Instead of whining about what my Mom wasn't, Personally i think the PRIDE – and the power – of being the open, loving, compassionate woman she could never be.
As it said around the Compassion Project site :
Courage and compassion are contagious – people want to be brave however they need be brave first.
Honestly, it took courage that i can defeat my walls and RISK showing love, and letting love in. After 14 years with Larry, I still have moments when I seem like putting my protective wall back up.
But I do not. I know the reward for staying open is way too great.
If you've resonated with anything I've shared, now it's your time for you to be brave.
Show your courage by openly expressing your loving-kindness.
Lower your wall knowing you might get pelted with some pain, but that you could never experience pure joy without taking that risk.
SHARE your delicious feminine self with the people you like as well as the folks you don't yet know. Even when it's a little scary.
Look at the men who are around you with compassion, knowning that, everybody, are yearning to like and become loved-and like you might be petrified at the thought of being rejected.
If you are 'hiding' behind your wall when i did for so many years-
courageously EXPLORE what you are hiding from.
Give yourself permission to stay in the planet similar to the woman you're together with your family members and girlfriends. She's the woman who'll ATTRACT LOVE right back.
Travel through the world by having an open heart. That, my sister, is indeed a show of your strength.