Not sometime ago, I met a really lovely lady who enthusiastically shared her story of love lost and located again. She explained how her husband had died Two decades earlier. Years later, after vowing that she would not love other people, this woman found herself falling for each other again.
When we lose a spouse, the last deliberation over the brain is being inside a relationship again. Once we cope with the intense pain that we find ourselves experiencing, this becomes the overarching theme in our lives until further notice. We're trying to find answers and still longing to get along with our lost spouse just another time.
Pain from Loss Is Personal
But as time progresses – because it will with no regard for one's circumstance – and our pain from loss starts to ease, we shall start to rebuild our lives alone. How everyone decides to tackle their situation differs from person to person.
Some may throw themselves into work. Others may decide to cultivate new friendships or spend time with old chums. Still others might join clubs specific to an interest, or turn on in civic and church organizations. Many may consider volunteer opportunities. Some widows journal about their experience with loss. And then there are people who avoid dealing with the pain sensation, burying it deep within. They busy themselves with a number of activities that become distractions in the acute discomfort and sadness.
Loss and Loneliness
One theme that who have lost spouses share is the loneliness that ensues after loss. After a while many would like to seek companionship, but they have no idea how to go about it. Oftentimes, the desire to pursue a new relationship is affected by advice from those around them.
So many men and ladies happen to be “off the dating circuit for some time while,” and feel uncertain about how to go about seeking companionship. They frequently use friends for advice and often this news can be discouraging. Many will hear “how bad it's available.” And there are many stories that would frighten the most courageous into remaining solo forever.
But we should be our very own judge of those matters. Whether we are prepared to open our way of life to someone new is a decision only we can make. The widower or widow would be the only ones who are able to give themselves permission to maneuver on.
Risking Love Again
I understand how so many readers will read this and say, “Oh, I will never move ahead.” Or, “I'm away from that point yet and probably won't be.” However one chooses to remain, keep in mind that you shouldn't disheartenment on your future happiness.
When you begin to feel the absence of the deceased spouse much less and much more from the presence, wholeness and wellness of who you are becoming without them in your life, you will be able to determine if finding a new partner fits your needs.
Here are some things you should think about when deciding if you are prepared to find love again:
- Have you taken time to grieve?
- Have you considered what you will be looking for in a new partner?
- You may feel lonely, but they are you prepared to possess a new partner in your life?
- Are you willing to face the possibility of losing another companion or spouse?
We must get rid of the guilt and fear that are part of the aftermath of loss. As we gradually do, we shall start to consider if we desire to take into account the possibility of finding love again. You can read my blog about Risking Love Again.
If you're a widow, are you currently available to finding new love in your lifetime? Will you be searching for someone much like your spouse or someone else? Why? How do you know you needed to spread out to love again after a loss? Let's move on a discussion.