Are you a smart, independent, single woman who is dating after 40 and achieving a hell of the time finding good men up to now? Are you beginning to think there are just no good men out there who can handle your strength and brains?
I hope you don't mind my saying this: you're w-r-o-n-g.
As a dating and relationship coach – along with a woman who was a first-time bride at 47 – I'm quite aware of what we tell ourselves:
Men can't handle smart, powerful women.
The only men left at this age are man-boys, jerks, and players.
I'm not giving up my freedom for some man who's likely to tell me how to live my entire life.
I’m too old and stuck within my ways. I can’t change and men will want me to.
Oh yah. These were my mantras for a long time.
I hung on to them nice and tight until I realized that they are myths.
The truth was available plain as day but, once we use a lot of beliefs, I simply refused to see the contrary evidence.
One of those myths is your fierce independence and being set in your ways keeps you from finding love.
Allow me to share a number of what I learned that cleared the way in which for my grownup love story.
This is how my entire life was before I acquired married in 2006…
No one told me how you can think or feel.
Compromise was something I rarely needed to do.
I didn't owe anyone anything, so nobody was in charge of me.
I made all my own decisions.
I was successful and charted my own path.
I created the lifestyle I needed including hanging and traveling with my girlfriends, buying things i wanted, and going where I needed when I wanted.
Okay…fast forward to the present-
This is when it's in the real world as a married woman…
No one tells me how to think or feel.
Compromise associated with a consequence is one thing I rarely need to do.
I don't owe anyone anything, with no the first is the boss of me.
I make most of my very own decisions .
I am still successful and chart my own path .
I have a lifestyle of my choosing, see and travel with my girlfriends when I want, buy what I want, and keep my very own priorities and routine.
My every day life is basically the just like after i was single.
I admit which i do need to occasionally compromise.
I constantly have to put food away he doesn't put back in the fridge.
And, yes, I do check with my hubs before I plan a visit with my girlfriends or create a big life decision that affects us as partners.
Here is what I recieve in exchange:
a lifetime companion I'm able to rely on. Someone who puts me first, supports me in everything I do, makes my life easier and more joyful, and makes me feel special, safe and loved each day.
Your beliefs concerning the limitations of dating after 40 are based on myths, sister. And when you let it go you open yourself to endless new possibilities to bring love to you. I understand because I'm living the reality.
Don't believe me? Pay attention to Love School graduate Suzanne tell about what happened when she threw in the towel her false thought that a guy would limit her independence.
Want to know how you can turn things around on your own? Listed here are a couple of points that you should consider.
1) Your happiness is all in the picking.
Why can you select a man who desires you to definitely act in ways you don't want to act, or quit things that you like?
Why would you choose a man who doesn't admire your independence and honor what you can do to get what you want in life?
There are things you love with regards to you and your life, and you shouldn't give those up. If you are dealing having to do this with potential partners, the solution isn't responsible men and prevent dating-the answer is to draw in and select the best man.
2) Men want the real you and also don't want you to change.
Albert Einstein once said, “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So, are all inevitably disappointed.”
Men consistently lament losing the woman they thought they married. Why does this happen? Because we bend just like a pretzel to snag a guy after which become our real selves after we feel secure-much to his surprise!
If you are independent and have stuff you feel you must do in your life-be might do that. Whenever you meet men, show them who you are. It is the best way to find a good man whowill accept and thank you for strength..
The real surprise is that this: an amazing thing occurs when you discover the great man you like: a number of your priorities change. You want to please him, and it is easy to make adjustments. That's when you realize you will find the right man.
Some of the things that you thought you'd never let anyone influence in your lifetime become things you can't wait to speak to your man about. And achieving his strong, steady hand is a gift you'll feel grateful for each day.
You have earned the authority to be super-proud about doing the work all yourself so far. How about opening up to the idea of turning that right into a pride of being a great partner as well as in finding out how to find this ultimate joy in everyday life?
Remember, you're having a man that you respect and admire. And also you know he cares about you. Thinking about want his opinion? You don't have to do what he says, just honor his partnership and advice.
Here’s the conclusion, girlfriend. I understand by pointing out fear of losing your independence, the fear of selecting a guy who’ll make you miserable…all that. But you're likely basing your fear on the False Assumption.
Single men desire a woman exactly like you, smart, strong and independent. It all begins with you finding good men to date. And once you need to do, any change or compromise you decide to make will pale in comparison with all you enter return.
Trust me. It is that easy.