How do you find quality men? You know…the ones I say to you which are everywhere? For those who have uttered the words “there aren't any good men out there” I have this question for you:
Will you know him when you see him?
There appear to be three common explanations why women feel they aren’t connecting with quality men. Maybe one or more of these are preventing you from meeting your special man.
You don’t have a true and realistic vision of what a great man is.
When I ask women what qualities they want in a man, I hear the typical traits: honesty, affection, humor, etc. What they're lacking is a deeper vision. A list of adjectives isn’t enough to obtain to know him.
- For each adjective, what does that “look like” in day-to-day life?
- What are the feelings you want to feel when you’re with him?
- What kind of relationship could make you happy?
- What are deal-breakers vs. realistic compromises?
- Is this today's vision – the thing you need like a grownup woman – a treadmill you created many years ago?
If you are meeting men but not feeling drawn to any, I encourage you to revisit and replace your story of the “perfect man.” What is your grownup version…one which satisfies your needs as the Woman you're today.
This Woman has the life experience that tells her what truly matters and what she needs to be able to feel loved and fulfilled with a man.
She accepts herself as imperfect and accepts that in others.
Chemistry is excellent – for a short period. I am talking about seriously: how's that on your side so far?
Lori Gottlieb says in her book Marry Him: The Case for Compromising for Mr. Good Enough that 10's don’t really exist – not in the real world. She talks intelligently about healthy compromise.
Ms. Gottlieb is not saying that we ought to compromise on the important stuff; only that a lot of things on our long list aren't actually vital that you your long-term happiness. They simply serve your short-term “buzz” and have nothing to do with finding quality men.
You don’t have an opportunity to become familiar with most men.
Most women are searching for men that are their biggest fans, are confident and go after what they want, can be open about their feelings, and are absolutely faithful .
How can you possibly know that within the time that it takes to drink coffee?
In that point you are able to know if he's good-looking and when you are feeling an instant attraction. Chemistry is excellent – for a short while. I mean seriously: how's that working for you to date?
It's your realistic and grownup must-haves that count. Unless he's drunk, stinky, or cusses just like a sailor-could you please just provide him a rest? You will be doing your favor by staying longer or accepting that next date, after which relating with an open mind and open heart.
When you do I guarantee you'll meet a lot more quality men.
A woman who deep-down doesn't feel worthy or trust herself to create good decisions can unconsciously attract men that are less-than and deter the good guys.
As a lady who dated for 30 years, I know every way there's to prevent meaningful connections and deep feelings. My mantra went such as this:
There aren't any good men, so I’m better off alone.
Voila! I gave myself permission to stop on finding a great man to talk about my entire life.
When I had been single I hardly ever met men that I figured were smart, kind, trustworthy, and charming. Since I’m happily married, I meet them all time. I don’t think it's a coincidence.
When you’re clear about what truly matters for any meaningful relationship; when you're available to genuinely understanding and connecting with the men you're meeting; quality men will be everywhere.
And you will be Your One.