If a man really loves you, he wants to be around you. Common sense. But how about in the beginning, before it is a relationship. How can you tell a guy is interested then?
At our age, it isn't like you will see him in fourth period English, and you're not thrown together around the dance committee after school. Interaction is much more random.
Plus, nowadays, we're hyper-aware everyone's busy with work, projects, and grandchildren, therefore we text rather than phone. And with the pandemic, things got a whole lot worse.
We're particularly unwilling to bother someone we don't know well, for anxiety about overstepping boundaries before rapport gets going.
When you are looking at Mature Dating, Beginnings Aren't Easy
When it comes to dating, there are specific signs that demonstrate a man's interested. Even when he calls only once a week to ask you out, if he keeps in contact, it is a sign of interest.
If a guy asks questions designed to become familiar with you best, that's a start. If he asks follow-up inquiries to something you told him a couple weeks earlier, that's better still.
My friend Diane says she knew Bob really liked her as he took her to the symphony. “When we'd been dating a bit longer, he told me he hated the symphony. That's when I knew he liked me.”
Forget the words, pass the actions. Another friend swears by what she calls the “little niceties,” meaning, opening the car door, taking her out for any bite when she's had a difficult work day, or taking her food shopping.
“On our third date, he brought me home and walked me towards the door. I sort of groaned that I'd forgotten to drag the garbage can towards the curb. 'Open the garage door and I'll get it done,' he explained. He endeared himself to me with that small, thoughtful gesture. And that he hasn't stopped doing small things to make my life easier.”
The Beginning of rapport Is a vital Marker
People don't change. A guy will highlight from the first who he is. According to whether you possess an easy or a difficult start, it's for you to decide if you need to become familiar with him better.
“I went with Doug once and had a great time,” says a close friend who's a teacher. “But as he required a second date, I had already made plans. 'I can't cancel on Peter,' I'd told Doug. 'He's my pal and it's his birthday.'”
“'You're taking him out for supper when I'm asking out?' Doug said, his tone so demanding I almost stuck on him.”
Should You See Him Again?
My friend continued going out with Doug for several months. “Now that I appreciate everyday our time together,” she says, “I knew who he was right from the start. I ignored my gut feeling partly while he made me laugh and he was a great dancer. But he had moods and demands, and ultimately, he was bad for me. I left him.”
Time will tell. Sometimes, a short time will tell you what you ought to know, which will help you save the discomfort of a nasty breakup down the road.
Should you see this person again? We're older and that we learn more. “Listen to your own smarts,” I tell my friends when they ask for advice.
Listen to your gut, too, and use your experience in coping with people to avoid making mistakes that cost you time lost having a toxic man.
Here's how you can tell if you're special in his life. (Although I'm sure you know.)
7 Signs He has got it Harmful to You
- He calls you. If he can't, there's an email or text because he's considering you and also loves to stay in touch. He isn't constantly on his device when you are together.
- He wants to help you 2 or 3 times per week. More if he can. It does not need to be a big production any time you meet up. He enjoys picking you up and going for any simple after dinner walk to the park, for instance.
- He talks real purty and the actions match his poetry. He is affectionate and loves to be close to you.
- He doesn't promise anything without following through.
- He discusses stuff you'll do later on – wine tasting, hanging that gigantic painting you have had propped in your family room for five months – and you actually do it. Together.
- He likes planning the following get-together at the start of a few days, even before he's left on a Sunday evening.
- He'll root for that Yankees together with your 93-year-old mom, and that he hasn't informed her he's a Red Sox man.
7 Signs He's BAD for You
- You're right down to getting together once every other week. Or less.
- He texts. Sometimes. The telephone calls, though, are all strategic business plans for that one-night coupling.
- The pretty talk occurs either before or during sex. He is unseen affection or touching outside of sex.
- Chew and Screw assumes an all-too-literal meaning since there isn't much in the way of activity apart from sex.
- He talks about stuff you'll do in the future. The near future becomes the past.
- He doesn't make plans in advance. He likes to be spontaneous. He's also spontaneous about cancelling.
- Your mom? He is not aware she's alive and well and loves baseball.
If you need to ask yourself whether he loves and is thinking about finding yourself in your life, he probably isn't. A guy who truly likes you will highlight that he cares and will not make you confused and wondering.
Beginnings aren't easy. Neither are endings, and unhappy endings would be the worst. If you're searching back at several past relationships as a waste of your energy, consider going more slowly later on ones.
Better not to go exclusive with one man too soon. Take your time understanding him in different circumstances. Meet his friends. Let him meet yours. Hold off on the intimacy.
Reread the seven warning signs above. Are you currently in any of these situations? What have you do about it? How are you aware he was interested? Did he say or do something that clinched it for you personally? What senior dating tips do you want to offer? Please share your experiences, the good, unhealthy, and also the ugly!