Kamala Harris and I have some important Love Lessons for you personally if you’re an adult single woman searching for love.
My proud lefty, progressive, feminist self is over the moon using the woman who definitely are the next Vice President of the United States. I personally cannot wait to look at her verbally kick Mike Pence's hypocritically pious arrogant ignorant white ass in the debate. Or as Randy Rainbow says, squash him like a bug!
Until then, I'm spending some time ruminating on how Kamala's love story is such a powerful lesson in love. As well as in grownup partnership. And just how it's so much like mine! And lest you believe it is all about me, the majority of the over-40 love stories I've helped create through my dating and relationship coaching business have almost exactly the same story.
1. It's time to dump the “there are no good men” mantra.
At 49, Kamala Harris became a first-time bride and married Doug Emhoff; a powerful, successful, loving, vulnerable, grownup man who's dedicated to her. I acquired married for the first time at 47 to a strong, successful, loving, vulnerable, grownup man who's devoted to me. We're so much alike!
But seriously, it's not only beautiful, wealthy, brilliant women over 40 who can look for a great partner. Used to do it. As have thousands of women I've helped. All sorts of women. True, unless you're into food delivery guys he isn't likely to come knocking for your door. Make an effort to locate him. But I'm tellin' ya, he's out there.
2. Overthinking means you might miss huge opportunities.
Kamala and Doug met once they were set up on a blind date by her best friend, Chrisette Hudlin. Chrisette told Kamala to not google him in advance. Her advice was, “don't overthink it. Just meet him and see what you think.” Kamala did exactly that. Worked out pretty well.
Same here. Larry and that i connected online via match.com. We played phone tag for over per month due to our travel schedules. I didn't think much about him; just went about my entire life. Whenever we finally designed a date, I took another take a look at his profile. I noticed he said he was separated. Shit. That was on my list of dealbreakers. But it was past too far to interrupt the date, so I just turned up and went with it. We've got married Six months later. Exercised pretty well.
Kamala has the gift of being able to appear like a wonderfully balanced woman. She loves cooking for her family. She treasures being a “Momala. She even giggles. In public.
3. Sometimes great men do dumb things. Go on.
According to the Ny Times, before they'd even met, Mr. Emhoff created a self-described “lame” rambling voice mail message. He explained that the long-windedness horrified him, even while he compounded it with further verbiage.” She went out with him anyway.
A couple of days after we met, my husband wanted to meet up before he left town for his daughter's wedding. I told him nope, I had been busy working. At 9am my doorbell rang. He was downstairs, somewhat pathetically requesting 5 minutes of time. I figured it quite disrespectful but opened the doorway. There he was with a huge bouquet of flowers saying “I desired to give those to you before I left.”
Kamala now plays Doug's awkward voicemail for him every year on their own anniversary. To this day I'm glad I overlooked Larry's disregard in my boundary.
It's not just beautiful, wealthy, brilliant women over 40 who are able to look for a great partner. Used to do it. As have thousands of women I've helped. All sorts of women.
4. Good men are NOT afraid of smart women as if you and Kamala.
The type of man you want to meet wants you to become smart. But that is not the top his list, girlfriend!
Kamala Harris was the attorney general for that state of California when Doug Emhoff fell deeply in love with her. Discuss intimidating! But Kamala includes a gift that lots of us have a problem with: she shows up as a wonderfully balanced woman.
Kamala loves cooking for her family. She talks constantly about her family and treasures as being a “Momala. She even giggles. In public places!
And together with those lovely feminine qualities, she brings her bad-ass, lawyerly, power-wielding senator self. She's not scared to exhibit her whole self around the world.
While I'm neither a senator nor a lawyer, I'd lots of accomplishments smarts under my belt after i was in my 40's, single, and dating. But for the longest time, I didn't have that secret sauce of having the ability to show my whole womanly self towards the men I had been meeting.
I had to show men how smart I was. I figured showing my silly, sweet side helped me vulnerable. It had been when I learned how to authentically appear with both my masculine and my feminine sides that I magnetized my dude. He loves my smarts. But he loves my kindness and compassion-I think more. No problem with this.
5. Grownup men are deliciously courageous when it comes to love.
The morning after their first date Doug sent Kamala his calendar with all of his available dates for the following couple of months. He said “I'm too old to experience games or hide the ball. I really like you, and I need to see if we could make the work.”
After one date with my now-hubs, he told me he was taking down his internet dating profile. He said he wanted to concentrate on understanding me.
So, if you have to ask, “Is he into me?” after a couple of dates, the solution most likely is no. Mature men don't play games. Delightful, right? Why don't we not provide a crap about the men that do.
Important side note: They are actions of confident grownup men that know who they want and therefore are prepared to take risks to go after it. They are NOT those things of love-bombing narcissistic men that overwhelm you using their attention, declarations of “love,” and bullshit about your future together- while instantly demanding exactly the same of you. That's regarding their ego; not their need to love and be loved.
6. Coupling at this age means having adult communication from the start.
After their first few dates Kamala and Doug chose to give their relationship six months, then, “if we still felt the way you did, we'd just go for this.” Isn't that refreshing? Both of them declared they were “in” and had intentions to really make it work.
I asked my husband within the first Ten minutes of meeting why he wasn't divorced yet. And while
I didn't tell him I needed to marry HIM, I did tell him that marriage was something I eventually wanted. , as which was a deal-breaker for me personally. He explained his situation. Them people freaked out in what we shared. In the end, we were grownups with histories and baggage. We continued another date, by the 3rd, we were talking about our future and marriage.
7. To hell together with your past. It's what you are today.
As we all know by now Kamala Harris is really a half Jamaican, half Indian, beautiful woman raised in California and Canada. She'd never been married and had no children. Doug Emhoff would be a white, Jewish, born-in-Brooklyn, so-so looking divorced man with two children. She's about politics. Him? Not so much. At their wedding, she placed a flower garland round his neck; he stomped on the glass.
I would be a professional, never married, Jewish California “valley girl” while Larry was a twice-divorced, atheist, ex-pig farmer from Kansas with two children and 4 grandchildren. A comedian performed our ceremony on Rosh Hashana.
If you think about the boxes we'd have checked on the type of list so many people use, nobody might have paired either of us. However in real life? Only at that age? Kamala and her husband Doug – and Larry and that i ended up being two incredibly successful over-40 love stories!
And finally, of course, we don't know them personally, but you can bet that this bride and groom is going to do everything in our power to make sure that Kamala Harris and Doug Emhoff spend the following 8 years leading our country.