You’ve gone on 14 first meets and you’re done. You’ve been with them. This
internet dating thing isn’t working. It isn’t working and you’re fine with that.
You’ve had a life – an excellent life. Friends, grown kids, grandkids; you like
spending time with them. You love the garden, your projects, the occasional weekend
You don’t need a man.
You Are Stronger Than You Think
Of course, a guy could be nice. But. He has to be the right man.
You’ve tried. The result? Meh.
Your daughter’s favorite word, as if meh describes a person. You met 14 men, and got one second date.
Yup, Number Ten called and also you went with him again, so it counts like a Real
But he didn’t require a third date.
And now you’re completed with internet dating.
“It’s enough to make you ponder whether there’s a problem
with you,” says Jill Whitney, a licensed marriage and family
therapist. She reminds her clients they have strengths and positive
Write It Down
Whitney shows that should you have a tendency to forget your good points, make
a list. Have a piece of paper and jot down everything you’re good at, and all
the ways you’re a good person.
If that’s a hardship on you, ask friends for suggestions. Once you get
going, it’ll get easier. Keep your list to examine sometimes you’re feeling
discouraged about dating.
“It’s okay to take a pause from online dating sometimes,”
says Whitney. “It requires stamina to keep putting yourself out there, which
means you’ll need chances to relax and restore yourself. Have
permission to step away.”
She suggests to complete fun things with friends, clean out your closets,
do jigsaw puzzles, go to the movies. Then, when you start to feel like getting
back out there, you’ll have more energy and produce your best, happy self to the
Talk to Everyone
Use online dating as a back-up to finding someone new in the real world,
rather than concentrating all of your energy on a dating site.
No matter in which you go, talk to people. Sure, you’d rather meet
someone at Home Depot or in the supermarket. Or at this cute place downtown
where there is a band on the Friday or Saturday night. Or at a Meetup.
Or maybe your friends Carol and Danny will introduce you to… a
friend of Danny’s? (They met on the internet and they’ve only been married 3 years,
who knows? Danny may have a single buddy.)
Friends really are a valuable and mostly untapped resource.
Don’t Let Your Past Block Your Future
Don’t let your break-up or divorce get in your way.
Whitney explains that some people feel they’re “doomed” in relationships because their previous marriage didn’t work out. “There’s just no truth to that,” Whitney says, because marriages end for all sorts of reasons.
Take an in-depth look at what went wrong in your previous
relationships, including whatever role you played in the issues. Learn from
that. Bring that hard-earned knowledge into this next stage of your life, where
it can help you develop a better relationship this time around.
Be positive. It may take place.
He might be right around the corner.
If you won't ever give up.
A Few Real Life Pointers
In my novel, my main character does a lot of online dating, and
her best friend, a skilled dater, tells her how tough it is out there.
“Get a helmet,” she says. “Strap it on.”
Do you'll need a helmet? In a way, yes, a metaphorical one.
You have to believe in yourself, that you're worth love, and
have the self-confidence and life experience to prevail. You’ll want to try
internet dating when you’re feeling strong and resilient. Don’t try it if you’re
dealing with trying times and have serious health challenges.
Here are 10 concrete ways to up your
likelihood of connecting with a guy who gets you.
Find New People
Write one new candidate 4-6 times per week. Get a rhythm going so
you’re writing nearly as regularly as you brush the teeth. Should you limit
you to ultimately one or two emails (at most) it won’t be such a chore.
Experiment with Photos
Post a new photo. Get your friends to consider pictures of you riding
your bike. Cooking inside your cute kitchen. Having fun with your spaniel. Or perhaps your pet
lizard. (OK, I’m kidding.)
You get the idea. Yes, put makeup on for your photo. Wear a warm
pink top that makes you think “Hot men will soon be checking me out.”
What’s wrong with a little fantasy?
Know Your Best Qualities
Get your pals to tell you the things they most enjoy about you. Write
down the things they say and use it in your profile. Make them go for specifics –
none of this, Suzy is a fun person.
You require more like, “My buddies say I'm able to create a meal from
dry toast and parsnips,” or “My buddies let me know I’m the one they want
with them when the elevator stops around the 29th floor, and we’re there all
night.” I’m not kidding. These comments are gold.
No Generic Emails
When you’re writing Mr. Cute, personalize your email. Just do it.
Yes, it requires additional time, but it’s worthwhile. No one really goes for those
generic, ho hum emails.
Learn More About Their Hobbies
Connect to an activity or perhaps a passion he mentions in the profile. If
there is nothing, the reason for writing him?
No Fear of the Online World
Many women fear online dating. Don't. Tell yourself, “The Internet
is my pal.” Mean it, despite the fact that it’s corny.
Go for Authenticity
Don't create a profile of the ideal version of you that simply
doesn't exist. Let the real you stand out – you're beautiful only the way
If you arrived at the profile of a guy you like, write him. Don’t hold out to be contacted.
Here’s an idea. Suggest a walk inside your favorite park. Seriously.
Write Mr. Cute and be sure to pinpoint the exact corner where you’ll meet. Get
a breath of outdoors – so much better than sitting over the table from the
Keep a wide open Mind
Be open-minded. You don’t think he’s your type? He looks dopey in
his photo? He’s into Lee Child novels and you’re not? Open your mind, you’ll
don't know until… well, read number ten, below.
Nothing counts. Except The Meet. Nothing. Emailing is really a start, but
that’s all it's.
Please share your adventures in online dating. Have you wear your
metaphorical helmet? What helped you? We’d love to hear your story.