When we become attracted to someone, it’s natural to fantasize. However when our fantasies turn obsessive and we start clinging to thoughts of the other person, that may be unhealthy.
Not only that, there can be a thousand reasons why you can’t be together, or why this individual isn’t looking at you whatsoever.
And now, here you're, wanting to stop this fixation.
Struggling with the desire to obsess over someone you can’t have?
Here are 15 ideas that may help you curb your feelings for someone who isn’t reciprocating your feelings back and allow you to ultimately move ahead.
1) Remember that obsessing over them won't help your situation
It’s an unsafe, dangerous situation when these romantic feelings of yours for someone become an obsession, you'll be:
- Missing on other potentially good relationships
- Being obsessive and controlling
- Becoming clingy
- Creating drama for yourself
This is especially true if this person isn’t interested or is uninterested in you as a romantic partner, you’re only going to create tension and drama in your lifetime by fixating in it like this, so really focus more on being realistic about things.
Your obsessive romantic feelings is only going to result in the person conscious of your emotions, and they won’t return it.
Research indicates that obsessing over someone you’re deeply in love with who doesn’t share the same feelings for you only helps make the inevitable sting of rejection worse. It’s much healthier to focus your attention on another thing and bring your mind from the object of the obsession.
When you become aware that this sort of feeling are not healthy anymore, you can recognise them for which they're and take the first steps to moving forward.
2) Take a close look at yourself – there might be some other reasons the reason why you can’t be together
It’s human instinct to want to blame others when things don’t exercise.
But you need to accept the matter that sometimes the world doesn’t exercise once we would like it to.
It may be that there are other reasons why your emotions aren’t returned, such as:
- Not communicating your true feelings to them, resulting in your emotions being unrequited
- You not a great match for his or her values and beliefs
- Who you undoubtedly are doesn’t match their concept of who they would like to be with
- You’re seeing something missing in them that you feel you are able to fill, instead of seeing things for which they really are.
The the fact is, you can’t change another person, only yourself.
It’s healthy to wish to make another person happy but it’s not healthy if it’s at the cost of yourself in some manner.
3) Determine where this sort of feeling are coming from
What is it that’s causing you to obsess over this individual? Do you feel unloved or unwanted in your daily life? Can there be something missing in your life that you’re seeking for elsewhere?
It might be that you’re focusing on your partner because of the void that exists in your daily life and you’re feeling insecure.
Who wouldn't wish to improve themselves?
I know I actually do.
The issue is that there are far too many fake gurus available prepared to sell you on unrealistic and ineffective solutions for improving your life by being a “better version” of yourself.
They would like you to meditate, radiate “positive vibrations” and visualize the life span you've always dreamt of. They are saying this makes it become a reality.
Here's the crazy thing:
Visualization and positive vibes won't bring you closer to your dreams, and they can in fact drag you backwards into time-wasting, idle fantasy and frustration.
But it's hard to feel insecure when you are being hit with so many Instagram influencers telling you how a special type of yoga, diet or incense will transform your life.
You can wind up trying so hard and not finding the answers you need that the life and dreams start to feel hopeless.
You want solutions, but all you're being told is to create a perfect utopia within your own mind. It does not work.
I want you to turn off all of the noise for a second and obtain back to absolute basics.
What are you currently for?
Before you can experience a real change, you need to fully realize your own personal purpose.
I discovered the power of purpose from watching Ideapod co-founder Justin Brown's video on the hidden trap of improving yourself.
Justin was once hooked on the self-help industry and Modern gurus, who sold him on visualization and positive thinking. It left him lost and confused.
That's why he traveled to Brazil to meet the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, who taught him a life-changing new way to find your purpose and use it to transform your lifetime and everything around you.
After watching the recording, I discovered my purpose in life also it completely busted through the issues I had been having with loneliness and feeling useless. This new way of finding success by finding your own personal purpose actually solved the problem to discover and complete the voids within my life.
Watch the disposable video here.
4) Recall the reasons you can’t be together
Not will just this prevent you from obsessing over a hopeless situation, but it will help you comprehend the reasons why it isn’t right for you and let go of the idea.
The sad the fact is, the chances of your partner being interested in you like a romantic partner are slim.
As I have mentioned, there might be a lot of reasons why the two of you can’t be together:
- They curently have someone or are seeing someone else
- Due to cultural or family values, they aren't meant to be along with you romantically
- You’re in various stages in your life at this time, perhaps at different points in your career
- You and the body else don’t see eye to eye on some issues
- You’re simply not compatible with one another
A lot of times we obtain caught up in what we’re doing and don’t have enough time to think about what we’d enjoy being doing with our lives.
When this occurs, it’s easy to start longing for how things would be if you might be together.
But which has no basis in reality, it’s simply an unrealistic fantasy.
4) Be sensible about that person, not your fantasies about them
The key here is to become realistic concerning the facts with this particular person.
They may seem perfect for yourself on paper but they are they ideal for you in the real world?
Let me be truthful with you: people can be very different in reality when compared with what we expect of them from afar. If you’ve got any negativity towards this person or they create you feel uncomfortable, then listen to those feelings and don’t ignore them.
You need to believe that your feelings won’t always match up with how things really are in the real world.
If you would like something meaningful, then think carefully about this person’s true character and find out if it will suit your needs.
5) Outside, hurry up with something else
One technique is to keep yourself so busy that you don’t have time to obsess them over.
This can be quite effective in getting you out of trouble of the obsessive state and right into a more productive mindset.
And one of the greatest stuff you can have now's a distraction.
Do something that involves your time and energy, but doesn’t involve thinking about your obsession. You are able to help improve your lifetime and make a move useful together with your time by spending it doing something completely unrelated to the object of the obsession.
That might mean:
- getting a brand new hobby
- learning a skill that comes in useful for future employment
- taking up a brand new sport or hobby
- working on improving yourself as a person
- learning some useful skills for example how to cook, drive, etc.
This can help you feel more independent and give you something to pay attention to rather than your obsession
Get busy with something. Don’t enable your obsession destroy you.
Being obsessive over someone is simply a total waste of time.
I know it’s really difficult when you’re upset and desperate but just remember, the greater you obsess over something that can never be, the greater stressed out and unhappy you'll become.
6) Believe that they may never return your feelings
Sometimes, they can’t have the same way as you. They might not really be interested in you.
We all have a romantic side, and that we have the ability to moments where we fantasize about someone, however for some people, those fantasies may never become reality.
That’s why it’s vital that you be realistic someone complain about before you start fantasizing about them. Sure, things can seem to be great on a fantasy level, but you need to make sure it would work out in the real world as well.
The best way to do that would be to talk to them, see what's going to be their reaction to your emotions and are available to an understanding about what you want from them.
But, don’t allow it to get to you too much. If the person you’re obsessing over isn’t interested in exactly the same things that you're, then there’s no reason wasting time and energy in it.
If it doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t exercise. You progress on.
7) Put distance forwards and backwards of you
Putting distance forwards and backwards individuals is an effective way to deter yourself from obsessing them over.
It is a much healthier method to handle an unhealthy situation.
Think about it: when the person you are obsessed over doesn’t even know that you simply exist, then technically they are doing nothing to harm your life in any way.
You’re not doing anything either so, in most actuality, it’s a pointless situation.
There is no point obsessing over them and achieving feelings for somebody who doesn’t realize that you exist because those feelings should never be returned by them.
You can’t keep hoping for something that will never happen. So, it’s better to get away from them and find somebody that will give you the attention you deserve.
You don’t know how hard a situation is until you get away from it for a while.
When you take time to distance yourself out of your obsession, then you’ll begin to see things much more clearly and be able to consider them in a sane way.
8) Concentrate on other people
Just because someone doesn’t as if you back does not necessarily mean the world should end for it. It just means you have to find another person to like you.
It gives you a chance to have a fresh start with another person, and get love from them.
When obsessing over someone, it’s important that we don’t concentrate on them as the only possible part of our lives as we might end up being very much alone that way.
Someone who doesn’t know about us yet can come along at any time and sweep us off of our feet if we’re open enough.
We have to accept this fact and stop putting all of our focus into one person that has no real interest in us whatsoever.
Go out and explore life with someone new, stay open to the potential of meeting someone special, and forget about that certain person who isn't interested in you.
Look at the life at this time and try to see which direction you need to opt for it.
9) Be optimistic that you'll meet someone great
No matter just how much you think there isn't other people out there, eventually, you will always find someone who'll make your heart flutter.
Just consider the statistics: we are never truly alone, there is always someone available for all of us.
The trick is to locate that individual who will support us and make us feel special every single day.
There are so many other people available who're also waiting for their love to come along.
You have to be more aware of them, head outdoors and be an element of the world who are around you, rather than staying in home hiding your feelings away inside yourself.
You could meet them through:
- a common friend
- a class, college or university
- social events
- a new hobby
- through a random acquaintance
Be optimistic that certain day you'll meet someone great, it’s better than being pessimistic and letting all those opportunities goinf too soon. You never know who may enter your lifetime from nowhere and sweep you off the feet.
The key is to find that individual and begin your personal story together.
But for now, we must take full advantage of this life although it lasts and revel in every moment with those who mean a lot to all of us.
10) Take a look at your lifetime before meeting them
Sometimes, it’s simple to get up to date within the emotions of the moment and end up forgetting what's led us to where we are today.
Before you begin obsessing over someone look at where you were and how it got you here.
Remember how good you’re doing with your career or studies, with the people who are near to you, together with your life, before meeting them.
You got by alright, right?
You could sleep at night without thinking of them, you had been able to get up out of bed every day and perform the things you wanted, all of these were very easy before they entered your lifetime.
You can make some of the same decisions again and obtain using this rut you've fallen into with someone else.
It won’t stop wasting time, but it will be worth it ultimately.
Now take a look of your life at this time and understand that you'll be able to do all of the same tasks again some way.
It’s easier to be sensible and then review your life with a clear head than to get swept into someone else’s trap and hope they will change your life for the better.
So before you even start obsessing over anyone, take a step back and think about how you’ve been doing before you decide to started thinking about them.
11) You'll be okay even if they don’t like you back
It might not feel like it when you’re struggling using your broken heart, but you’ll be okay.
I’m suggesting again, it will take time for you to overcome them, but you’ll be alright over time.
Some individuals are not meant to be with us and it’s best when we allow them to go.
It’s important to begin to see the good in all people therefore we don’t hold a grudge against them for something they can’t change about themselves (and this time, their feelings toward you).
There a multitude of other people out there who are also waiting for their love to arrive.
This might be hard for many people to listen to, however i assure you when it doesn’t go the way that you would like, there is someone better out there for you personally.
You will discover them and, when that time comes, they will notice how wonderful of a person you are and fall in love with all your quirks just as much as you fell deeply in love with theirs.
12) Don’t be afraid of losing them
Thinking of the future with another person is definitely scary, although not around the thought of losing them.
When we’re obsessing over someone, we have a tendency to imagine a life with them and just how it will exercise in the end, however the sad truth is there happens to be an end that we are not prepared for.
It’s very difficult to understand a person’s intentions if we are not with them and searching to their eyes, but definitely it’s a necessary part of the process of recovery.
When you’re obsessing over someone too much, you may end up thinking of methods to change who they are so that they can adore you.
If you stop considering what may happen when it’s all over, you might find your mind is much more open to new opportunities.
You won’t be so attached to one person and you’ll become more open to the idea of finding someone new.
We need to approach dating having a positive mind and realize that we've several choices which is not our only chance at love.
13) Don’t let others cause you to feel bad about yourself
They might say hurtful things, but that doesn’t imply that it’s the truth and it doesn’t reflect on our character.
As hurtful as it may be to hear the way they discuss us with other people, there is usually a cause of it.
We need to remember that there isn't any reason behind one to talk badly about us unless we deserve it.
They are most likely jealous of us or simply don’t wish to admit that they are not happy using their own lives.
Don’t concentrate on what they think of you, how they look at you, or discuss you with other people.
Now if a person doesn’t like us back then why let them control our emotions? If they’re uninterested in us then why allow them to bring us down?
Nothing worthwhile ever originates from dwelling on which others think of us.
We will never understand how they really feel and it’s far better to live our life without having to worry by what they might consider us.
Don’t allow it to affect you because you’re better than them and their opinion means nothing.
You’re the one living your lifetime, so take full advantage of it!
14) Surround yourself with supportive and positive people
This may be hard to do when you’re so centered on a specific someone, however it will help you get back on the feet in no time!
Supportive and positive people might help us by getting us away from home and doing something enjoyable, they'll motivate and inspire us even through the simplest of conversations.
When we take a step back from all of this we can observe that maybe our life is less bad as we think it is and there are always people out there who're willing to assist us get where we want to be.
I’m not saying that lonely people aren’t great, I’m just saying that there’s a difference between being alone and isolation.
Also, it takes a certain amount of courage to realize that sometimes you need to spend time with no people you love and go do something by yourself.
We like socializing and being around people, but we ought to also give ourselves some time to be alone with this thoughts.
15) Seek specialist if you’re using a difficult time recovering from someone
In severe cases, you may need to seek help from a professional – through either individual therapy or, if you have enough money, from a full-blown treatment facility.
If you believe it’s time to seek help then now is the time to get it done.
Don’t wait too much time and then try to get over them on your own when getting help may be the better option for you personally.
It’s never easy to let someone go, but stopping a phase shouldn't cause you to feel like you’re losing all things in your lifetime.
There a multitude of wonderful things available awaiting you and something person won't ever change all that.
You need to find yourself again and accept how great of the person you're and just what an excellent story you are able to write for yourself.
Therapy for obsessions
If you’re having problems recovering from someone, you may want to try cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). A CBT therapist can help you observe how your ideas are keeping you trapped in the past and stop you from moving forward.
The first step would be to reveal the way your obsessions and fantasies about the person are playing out in your head. The second step is to learn to stop your negative patterns (like intrusive thoughts) and replace all of them with better behavior.
A next step might be identifying what your “booze,” “mood,” and/or “drug” of preference is, like alcohol or sugar. By getting eliminate the negative behavior and replacing it with more positive ones, you’ll be on your way to bettering yourself and achieving a happier life.
Fantasies, obsessions, and hallucinations can cause us to feel very down. They are able to also make us feel like we aren’t good enough or that people aren’t worth someone entering our life.
When we’re obsessing over someone an excessive amount of it’s important to learn how to build a better life with or without that person in it.
You could have a lot of trouble getting over someone you obsess over, but there are people everywhere who love you and are ready to be there for you personally.
Final thoughts
Stop obsessing with someone who you can’t have and begin concentrating on you and the things that will bring you true happiness.
You have a lot of great qualities, so many things to become proud of, with no one can take those things away from you if you don't allow them to.
I realize that this can be a difficult time in your life but it doesn’t have to remain that way if you’re willing to let go of your past and embrace the future.
Dating takes practice and it’s important to try new things, but don’t give up too easily!
If one individual doesn’t exercise, then you never know? Maybe there’s something great awaiting you right around the corner!
Have faith and keep going until you determine what you’re looking for.
Can rapport coach assist you to too?
If you would like specific advice on your circumstances, it can be very useful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience-
A couple of months ago, I reached to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they offered me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and the way to get it back on the right track.
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