You’ve met someone plus they check all the boxes. They’re smart, funny, and powerful in their faith. In the Catholic singles dating world, this kind of match is a dream! But there's only one problem. You're not attracted to them.
Of all the things you need to cope with inside a relationship, not being drawn to a man or woman you’re thinking about dating is a real struggle. Sure, they may be the best illustration of what would make a great husband or wife. But when you’re not feeling the chemistry on the initial few dates, in the event you pursue a relationship together?
Are you attempting to decide if you should go on the very first (or second!) date with someone you don’t feel attracted to? Ask yourself these inquiries to help you decide whether you need to move forward should you don’t feel that instant attraction.
1. What specifically are you currently not drawn to?
The first step if you’re trying to figure out whether to use a date with someone you aren’t attracted to is to evaluate which specifically you’re not drawn to with this person. Is it because they don't have a great spontaneity? Are you currently not drawn to them physically? Take time to pinpoint exactly what is causing you to pause.
Sometimes small, non-permanent things could possibly get when it comes to being drawn to someone. For example, most likely the person you’re talking to has run out of employment right now and spends a lot of time (or otherwise enough!) stressing about this. You can’t really enjoy to start dating ? when you can't cope with dinner without talking about money troubles. But may there are bigger things at play. Is there a complete lack of physical connection? Do you feel awkward around them despite several dates? Discovering whether the insufficient attraction is really a temporary or permanent concern is the first step in determining how to proceed next.
2. Have you given time for attraction to develop?
After you pinpoint the reason you are not attracted to your date, don't bail immediately. A high level Catholic dating, odds are you've already been pretty particular in who you do or don’t date. If you're enjoying this person’s company and also you don’t see any immediate red flags, give attraction serious amounts of build.
Romantic comedies have led us to think that if it isn’t love initially sight, it’s not worth our time. But sometimes attraction isn’t instant-sometimes it takes some time to grow. So give the relationship a fighting chance by hanging out together to see if things change. Falling go heels doesn't always happen on the first or even tenth date.In the end, many people can be friends for a while before they even notice they're attracted to one another.
3. Are you praying relating to this relationship?
Prayer and discernment plays a huge role within the Catholic singles dating world. If you’re dating someone who appears like they would be there perfect spouse in writing, but you're still not feeling it, bring your concerns to God. When in prayer, look for this intention in earnest. He has a plan for your life and he really wants to know your experience of your own words.
4. Have you spoke with someone you trust?
If you're dating someone and not feeling the attraction, find someone experienced to talk to about this. Sometimes when you get stuck on the problem in your face, the best thing you can do is voice it aloud. Let God talk to you through your friends and/or family.
You’re not by yourself if you’re discerning if you should keep dating someone your’e not attracted to. In fact, there are plenty of individuals within the Catholic singles dating world who have been exactly where you're. As you decide if you should continue this relationship, share your thoughts having a friend who has experienced a similar experience and can share some insight.
5. Are you currently free to refuse?
When I had been attending college, I met and dated a guy who was amazing. He am smart that we would spend hours talking about life, my senior thesis, and anything else imaginable. I genuinely enjoyed getting together with him, and looked forward to our time together. He became my mate. The only issue? I wasn't really drawn to him.
Even though I did not feel attraction, I rationalized within my head that he was the man God wanted me to marry because he checked all the boxes of a perfect husband. He'd create a great husband, a great father, and an awesome spiritual partner. So when he asked me to marry him, I said yes. However the longer i was engaged, the more I doubted the connection. There was a constant worry gnawing at me that wound up jading our relationship from my end. Finally, while standing around the altar like a bridesmaid to my good friend, I felt God telling me to allow him go.
If you’re discerning if you should date someone you don’t feel drawn to, ask yourself if you’re free to say no to this relationship. In the end, should you aren’t liberated to say “no,” you aren’t free to discern.
6. Are you blaming yourself for how you feel?
My parents seemed skeptical when I called off my engagement. The majority of my buddies were a little surprised, although not shocked. My ex-fiance explained we couldn't be friends when we couldn't date. I had been hit by scrutiny all sides, but I never once questioned my decision.
Sixteen years, an amazing husband and four children later, I uphold the fact that God truly does make use of your heart to construct a relationship. If you're not feeling drawn to someone, don't feel like there is something wrong along with you. Just because this person has everything anyone in the Catholic singles dating world would desire, i am not saying they're right for you.
Eventually you have to make a choice about continuing or ending your relationship. Whether you decide to let go of the connection or keep working at it, keep God in the decision. Bring the intentions of the heart to him every day and every night. He hears the cry in our hearts and knows how to answer.