Breaking up is difficult to do, even though you know it’s what's right to do. Following a breakup, it's not easy to discern when to start dating again. Exactly what does ready look and feel like? Despite popular belief, there are no hard-and-fast rules about when you start dating again after a breakup.
If you’re trying to figure out when you should start dating following a breakup, here are five questions to ask yourself.
1. Are you deeply in love with love?
If you want the idea of finding yourself in rapport or don’t like being alone, give yourself some more time before jumping back into the dating pool. We all love feeling loved and wanted and cherished. We were made for this stuff! But if you’re craving that feeling so badly that you’ll place yourself in jeopardy (getting into a poor relationship, overlooking warning flags, absolutely cannot function on your own) you might be in love with the feeling and never love.
Remember, God may be the source and summit and perfection of these things. When you are craving this intimacy with someone so badly that you don’t care whom you have it from, find love and intimacy with God first.
2. What kind of healing do you need?
In case your breakup was fairly amicable and didn’t leave wounds, chances are you’re emotionally healthy enough to begin dating again. However, if you were in a long-term relationship and were left in the altar, you probably need a ton of your time to heal. If your partner was psychologically abusive, you'll need time to heal.
It’s okay to provide yourself time for you to heal. Put around you the support and resources for this year of healing. We don’t need to be perfect to be in relationships, but we should be healthy.
3. Why did your last relationship end?
In case your relationship ended due to an addiction you’re battling, or due to issues with compulsive flirting or cheating, it’s best to take a break. Take time to sort yourself, your priorities, and your morals out. Whether it was because your partner did any of these things, you should still take a moment to heal from those wounds. Make use of this break to understand how to spot red flags before getting into a relationship.
You may split up since you and your ex had differing desires for a lifetime plans. Should you broke up so you could both move on, you’re probably good to go into dating again.
4. Would a brand new relationship mask old wounds?
Meeting a new person could challenge you to overcome selfishness and be a better person. Sometimes having that external motivator is what we want. A new relationship could include getting to know somebody that challenges you to grow. Should you meet someone who encourages you to definitely be a better, holier person, that’s a great relationship to discern. Remember, there aren't any hard and fast rules about when you should date again after a breakup. Don’t let timing stand in your way.
However, sometimes being in rapport allows us to hide from your hurts and pains instead of helping them resolve. If this new relationship is encouraging you to definitely fall back to old patterns of behavior or confront internal issues, now is not a good time to date someone. If you’re searching for a “high” from dating someone new, that’s a good indicator that a break is a step in a healthy direction.
A breakup makes you feel vulnerable, alone, and isolated. If those feelings are symptoms of an underlying issue, you should make time to heal from those wounds.
5. Are you searching for a particular person or anyone?
If you’re clear using the type of relationship you’re searching for (while leaving room for God to surprise you!) engaging in dating again has become the right move. But when you’re just “shopping around” and have no idea what you’re looking for in a relationship, take some time to discern these things about yourself before getting back into dating.
Individuals are not commodities and we shouldn’t treat each other as such. That person behind the screen is just as worthy and deserving of love and respect as you are. Don’t make the most of others just to fill a void in your lifetime.
Sometimes relationships ended, but those breakups (as hard because they are!) can be a chance for growth. Actually, a breakup is sometimes necessary. Saying “no” to a relationship that wasn’t working frees you to say “yes” to the relationship that will work. Before you say “yes” to another relationship, make certain getting back into the dating pool may be the right move before you get it done. Making sure your intentions and deliberations are solid will make sure you swim rather than sink. Taking the above mentioned questions into consideration can help you move forward inside a good and healthy way.
Are you ready to find your next relationship through Catholic Singles? We’re helping single Catholics connect through their shared interests and passions. You want to help you stop shopping and start discerning. Download our app today!