Do all your relationships all appear to end in flames? There are many relationships don’t end up exercising. Although it’s not fun to admit, it’s important to examine our own role in failed relationships.
If you discover that your actions or thoughts weren’t healthy, that doesn't mean you’re a bad person. But there might be some hurdles in your life which are translating into relationship issues.
These problems could involve financial or personal issues, spiritual blockades, or general misunderstandings.
Here are six things you may be doing to cause all your relationships to quickly go down in flames.
1. Are you putting an excessive amount of pressure in your vocational discernment?
Maybe all your friends are married, or perhaps your parents were married when they were your age. Friends and family may not be putting direct pressure you. But may being encompassed by those who are married will make you put pressure on yourself to get wed, too.
The sense of falling behind or really missing out is understandable! But if you’re getting into relationships and trying to force things along, they’re likely to crash and burn. Or worse, you and your spouse get trapped within the feelings, ignore every red flag, and get married, simply to later find out that those red flags are in fact really big deals.
Just such as the old song says, you can’t hurry love. So slow down, benefit from the ride, learn from your married friends, and spend some time getting into relationships.
If you have a problem with this pressure, make time to discern if you're called to marriage. Maybe the Lord is looking you inside a different vocational direction all together!
2. Would you struggle with a dependancy?
We tend to think of addictions as only major when they involve drugs, alcohol, or gambling. But addiction comes in great shape. You may be addicted to masturbation, online shopping, television, or all kinds of things. Any type of addiction will have a profound impact on what you can do to maintain healthy relationships.
You may struggle being appropriately intimate, easily angered, nitpicky, extremely indecisive, needy, or co-dependent. If you are struggling with any kind of addiction, seek help. You should be healthy in most ways and your future partner needs a healthy spouse.
Read more: 3 Practical Stuff that Make Striving For Chastity Possible
Addiction certainly makes it seem like the only way we are able to be defined, but that’s not the case. The truth is you're an incredible person who needs help. Include yourself the grace that God extends to us and get the help you have to be happy, health, and whole.
3. Is it possible to sacrifice for that good from the relationship?
Do you need the final say in each and every argument since you always feel like you’re right?
Do you have to have help in planning everything of each and every day?
Does the idea of giving up something you like to support your significant other make you cringe?
You might be suffering from the inability to quit your freedoms for the good from the relationship. There is a lot of give and take in a relationship. Both sides will need to sacrifice a few of their freedoms for that good of the whole. This isn't to say that you have to quit absolutely everything and should not have anything for yourself. Relationships of any type are a give and take.
Make sure you’re both giving and taking equally, allowing all needs of all members to be met.
4. Do you have the wrong outlook on relationships?
Is marriage a status symbol for you?
Or is marriage just a method for you to be in control and dominant?
Is rapport and marriage just a means to an end for you?
If these ring true, you need to re-evaluate. Marriage is to be a full time income picture of the interior life of the Trinity, the fully giving and fully receiving of persons to create new life. The sacrament of marriage is another microcosm from the Church, cooperating to get its members to heaven.
If you want to expand and connect your outlook on marriage, there are several great books available that will help you! Fulton Sheen’s Three to Get Married is a treasure out of the box Bl. Gianna Beretta Molla’s Love Letters to My Husband. The Catholic Church has a beautiful and rich understanding of marriage and it will always be beneficial to find out more about the Catholic knowledge of the sacrament of marriage.
5. Are you currently pretending to be someone you’re not?
If you’re attempting to impress a potential spouse, you might be tempted to tell a lie. Lying, whether it’s a little, inconsequential lie or a life-altering, huge one, is always wrong. You cannot become familiar with somebody that won’t reveal him or herself for you. Likewise, you cannot make the sacrament of marriage if you cannot give full consent since you don't actually know a person.
All lies end up hurting the other party and, usually, the two of you.
If you are tempted to lie to your significant other for any reason, take a step back and leave that relationship. You need to make time to figure out why you’re putting on a charade and work at healing.
If it’s a minimal self-esteem issue, realize that you are worth being referred to as you are, the way in which God makes you while he made you in infinite goodness and beauty. If the issue is one of mental health, seek an expert that will help you evaluate these problems.
6. Are you currently positive about the type of relationship you’re looking for?
Sometimes Catholics make casual dating seem like something really terrible and sinful. It’s not! Not by its nature, at least. Casual dating could be a great way to become familiar with many different people and additional refine your list of qualities you would like or need inside a partner. It can be a fun way to make new friends making new friends.
Just like you will find different amounts of friendships to help fulfill different needs within our lives, casual dating can serve a purpose while we’re on the road to discovering a potential partner that would make a great serious, long-term relationship or discovering if we’re even called to marriage. Not all things have to go from zero to sixty in under ten seconds! Actually, getting serious too rapidly may cause lots of problems inside a relationship (and private life), too. Admit to yourself what you would like and need at this season of your life and seek that out.
Read more: Exist “Non-Negotiables” In Catholic Dating?
While dating, it’s good to constantly re-examine our needs and wants, reflect on who we are and how our the relationship has gone so far, and determine what is and isn’t working. None of this means you’re a bad person or even bad at dating. This means that you simply, like several people, have areas you have to grow in.
Ask Jesus for some grace to grow out of your weak areas and be surprised about what he does.
Want to explore Catholic internet dating? Check out the new Catholic Singles internet dating app!