Do you ever feel like there are certain buzzwords that go through phases of recognition?
Authenticity. Community. Fellowship. Missionary Discipleship. Vulnerability.
Out famous those buzzwords, one which I believe especially pertains to online dating is vulnerability.
I remember when InstaStories first came out (the Snapchat of Instagram). It felt like several of sudden everyone was becoming vulnerable on this new type of social media technology. They were showing that which was really going on within their lives, instantly. It got me thinking about how vulnerability pertains to our online presence as Catholics (so that as Catholics dating!).
There are healthy and unhealthy ways to be vulnerable when it comes to our online dating experience as Catholics. It is probably simple for some of us to assume and recall unhealthy types of being vulnerable.
But exactly what does healthy vulnerability seem like in your dating life? What are healthy methods to embrace it?
Leading researcher and professor Dr. Brene Brown is renowned for reminding people that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness, but because humans, has the potential to be our greatest strength. In her own book Rising Strong, she writes: “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to appear and be seen when we have no treatments for the end result. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage.”
I am far from a specialist within this department, but here are some good ideas , embrace this in dating like a Catholic.
Be conscious of the fractured parts of your story
Whether you realize it or not, we all have wounds and baggage affecting us within our adult lives and relationships. To embrace vulnerability as our greatest strength, we must face and heal our pain points from the journey of life.
How are we able to know where we have to grow if we're completely at nighttime to the own pain?
As a Catholic dating, this looks like looking after yourself first. We want to be our most free, healthy self when in rapport. I’ve found going to counseling is a vital method to bring together the fractured parts of myself. Knowing yourself deeper helps you show up more authentically as yourself in dating and serious relationships.
Remember not to overshare
We all know people who overshare. They’re us members, or our friends on Facebook. There comes a place where someone overshares so much it becomes overwhelming.
So exactly what does it seem like to talk about areas of our life inside a healthy way? In dating, this means sharing and disclosing around your partner does. Don't overwhelm him or in early stages with lots of probing questions that seem like a CIA interrogation. Trust builds slowly and over time in plenty of little moments. Don't rush understanding someone but let it unfold with time.
I have certainly made my share of mistakes within this department. There has been times where maybe I came off a little strong and turned good guys off. But we study from practice and mistakes. I do not treat it like the sprint I used to but a lot more like a marathon.
Reveal yourself to someone slowly and in time, match their level of sharing and disclosure without telling your whole life story through the third date.
Express your requirements and listen for the partner’s needs, too
I think we can all agree with the significance of healthy communication in dating relationships. Many people and relationship experts would say it is among the most significant things for making a good relationship great.
In dating, one practical way this looks is learning to express your requirements in the relationship while hearing the requirements of your lover. Your spouse is not a mind reader. In fact, none of us are! Learning to openly and honestly express our needs are methods to deepen your intimacy and grow in vulnerability together like a couple.
Expressing your needs while holding space for that needs of your partner is an excellent method to embrace healthy vulnerability in a new dating or serious relationship. Being honest by what you need builds trust, connection, and stretches you to grow together more.
If you are searching for something to actually challenge yourself and make you think, I would suggest the TED talk to Dr. Brene Brown on the power of vulnerability!
Are there any other things you would from your experience with dating as a Catholic?