There are certain topics that Catholic singles consult with comfort and ease. The majority of us can share about our under enjoyable dating experiences. Many people have had dates or relationships which have surprised them within the best possible way. However, as I talk with my male and female Catholic friends, there is one conversation topic that sometimes doesn't get honestly discussed when it comes to dating or relationships. I’m referring here to chastity-especially ongoing conversations about chastity with your partner.
I’m not going to tell you to visit deep into this conversation about chastity around the third date throughout the dessert course. However, I'm sure these are some of the most important conversations to possess within an ongoing way with someone you're seriously dating.
I have made plenty of mistakes regarding chastity on the way. Before I got married, we struggled a great deal with chastity. I had been a virgin after i get wed, but we crossed a lot of boundaries. Go forward to our marriage which was sexually unhealthy in lots of ways. Eventually, I discovered myself divorced on and on with an annulment all by the ripe age of thirty-one. After my annulment experienced and that i felt prepared to date again, I knew I had to learn how to date and approach chastity and healthy sexuality inside a brand-new way. I needed to unlearn the unhealthy and study from my past mistakes.
I am far from perfect. However, my dating experience in my thirties continues to be the healthy dating experience Irrrve never knew after i was younger. Here are five conversations to have within an ongoing relationship with your partner, particularly if the struggle of chastity is difficult every so often.
1. Discuss physical boundaries
There are all kinds of different boundaries. However, physical boundaries in serious relationships can sometimes be tricky. There is no secrete when two adults who're physically drawn to each other need to convey that to another. So make time to discuss exactly what the physical boundaries are in your relationship.
What are the solid stuff you do not want to go past? How would you handle if one person is pushing another a bit more physically? How would you handle things like traveling together? What feels safe and healthy for you in your physical relationship, whilst not objectifying the other? Do your physical boundaries make you lust or selflessness?
I realize it can feel awkward and maybe messy to create up these conversations. But I am convinced they are probably the most important ones to be having.
2. What happens when you go past your boundaries?
I know, I’ve had the experience. Perhaps you have gone past your boundaries too. Maybe you didn’t have sex, however, you compare to that particular murky, gray section of realizing you and your partner went too much.
So what do you do? Start by taking responsibility for your actions and choices. You own that to yourself as well as your partner. Don’t shame shame one another, but do take personal responsibility for your own part.When things go beyond you wish, stop and make time to process and discuss as a couple.
After you talk with each other about the situation, take time to get the grace from the sacrament of confession.
3. Discuss your sexual past and/or trauma
Everybody includes a sexual past. Everyone has experiences, mindsets, perspectives, and often trauma that impact our sexuality being an individual. When we don’t discuss our sexual past and/or trauma, we'll drag unforeseen issues and wounds into a relationship.
As the connection develops and the time is suitable, share vulnerably with one another regarding your sexual past. Knowing where someone is originating from can help moving forward into a healthy relationship together, pursuing chastity.
4. What is the concept of healthy sexuality and chastity?
What is your knowledge of healthy sexuality? So how exactly does this understanding impact your daily life? These were questions my counselor had me sit with for a while, and I think they matter for Catholic singles.
Our sexuality is formed by many different ideas, experiences, and things we learned in our families of origin. Sometimes they were good and healthy. Other times, it had been the complete opposite. Understanding what healthy sexuality means to you'll help you have more open, honest conversations about this topic with your spouse.
5. What is your arousal curve?
You may think this last conversation topic is a bit strange. However, my counselor has shared this with me and I have found it useful in my very own dating experiences navigating such things as physical boundaries or how far is too far.
Every person includes a full sexual confidence curve. No one arousal curve looks the same which is unique for an individual. Any particular man or woman could experience particular actions or touches that raises their level of full sexual confidence. If you are seeking to reside chastely, understanding what you discover especially sexually arousing is important so it does not make you make choices you may later regret.
Know your own physical body and take responsibility for this. The virtue of chastity is much more than just not having sex. Instead, it’s about fostering a healthy relationship between the body, desires, and sexuality. You may be (or aren't) experiencing chastity inside your relationship. Regardless of where you are, having these important conversations in an ongoing way is critical growing along with your partner.
Would you add other things? What has your experience been in having these conversations in a relationship?