From “breadcrumbing” and “mosting” to “deepliking” and “submarining,” lately there appears to be an abundance of recent words to increase our ever-evolving dating vocabulary. Hailed as “dating trends”, a number of these terms are less “trends” and more just descriptors of dating behavior that's, well, type of annoying.
To acquire some insight around the latest dating trends to add to watch list, I recently spoke with Carmelia Ray, a Matchmaker and relationship expert located in Toronto.
Here are a few of the brand new dating behaviors you should know of and some tips on how to avoid their pitfalls.
If someone doesn't return your texts but insists on liking every photo of your cat, you could be struggling with a “Haunting.” Based on Ray, “Haunting is extremely similar to Ghosting, except for the truth that your Ghoster or a relationship out of your past, sticks around using your social media feeds. The Haunter doesn’t interact with you in real life – they just linger making their presences known in your social networking profile. They may be watching your stories, and throw in an occasional and frequently without warning, like. They create their presence known in your digital space and haunt you from a distance.”
However, unlike a ghost, the haunter refuses to stay in the shadows. “Just whenever you thought they went away and ghosted you, there they are, commenting on your latest post as though to state “Boo. I’m still here,” says Ray.
Remedy: If you are currently experiencing a haunting, there are a few steps you can take. You can ignore the mysterious ghost who doesn't fully want to go away or go a step further and block them. You can also give them a call onto it if/when they resurface next. Not too long ago, I had been being haunted by somebody that had ghosted me. Eventually, I messaged him and simply asked what his intentions were and this was enough to scare him off completely.
At no more the day, haunting is an extremely passive-aggressive way of remaining in touch with someone. Whether it's friendship they're searching for or something like that more, the right person is going to be upfront about it rather than lurking within the shadows of your Snapchat. No ifs, ands, or buts.
If you're currently haunting someone's social networking, do not. Sticking around when you have no intention of creating a move, is really a waste of everyone's time. Go ahead and take advice above and become intentional regarding your dating choices. Either shoot your shot or fade yourself out permanently, so you can pursue new people who you actually want to be with in a genuine way.
What do monkeys do within the wild? They swing from branch to branch off trees in the jungle like it’s no one’s business. As Ray explains, “this is the same dating behavior and pattern displayed by a few digital daters who practice going in one relationship to another, with no opportunity to inhale between.” So, how can you spot Monkeying in the “the wild”? Easy.
“Monkeying while dating is a pretty obvious and recognizable pattern. Singles who bounce in one relationship to another are in fact “monkeying” and have a tendency to repeat bad dating habits too,” says Ray.
Remedy: Think you might be dealing with a monkey? You shouldn't be afraid to carefully probe them regarding their previous dating experience. Ask them when their last relationship ended and what they learned from it. If it ended super recently or they cannot articulate what they gained from the experience, it could mean that they're swinging from one person to the next without actually giving themselves any space to heal or process.
On another hand, should you have a tendency to go from one relationship to another, it may be time for you to press the pause button. In order to be happy in a relationship with another person, you must have a happy, healthy relationship on your own. Rather than jumping into the dating pool, take a moment to be on your own and reflect on your last relationship.
Feel as if you might be getting played? Maybe you're dealing with a “Layby.” By far the most sinister of those new dating trends, “the term lay-by is extremely much like “cushioning” and “bread-crumbing.” The layby dater is responsible for continuing to date online during rapport. It’s as though they are looking for a way out of the current relationship by starting a different one,” says Ray. As she explains, “derived from the term “layaway” this Laybyer begins to invest into a new conversation, new flirting, and new communication as a tactic to get free from the one he’s currently in. Laybys become bored or disinterested, so that they move on, before splitting up.” Yikes.
Remedy: If you feel your date may have other people standing in the wings, focus on their behavior. Do they check their phone often when they're along with you? When you mention making plans later on, do they dodge the conversation? This could be an indication that the date has others browsing the wings.
Unfortunately, there aren't any hard and fast rules when it comes to identifying and avoiding these toxic dating behaviors. However, a great deal could be solved by having an honest, open conversation. If you aren't sure what the other person's intentions are, ask them. You might be amazed at just how much unnecessary drama you can avoid just by having a straightforward chat.