The summer after my first year of college I met this super cute guy. He was coping with a bunch of friends in the house across the street from mine. We met one night while all hanging out together and I was drawn to him instantly. He was perfect summer fling material: handsome, fun and only in town for any summer internship. Whenever we started dating and that i was smitten.
We spent a few really fun weeks together. However, as the end of the summer approached he broke things off. I was crushed at the time, but looking back it makes total sense. Our relationship, while fun, wasn't meant to be anything other than a summer fling (later, turned friendship).
While some summer flings can definitely come to be more, it's not always the case.
Wondering whether the person you're dating is a summer fling or something like that more? Here are a few points to consider.
- Do you've anything in common?
While you don't necessarily need to be soulmates to savor an excellent summer fling, you do need to have some mutual understanding in order to take it to the next level. In hindsight on my small summer fling, what is important we'd in keeping was that people lived on exactly the same street and were attracted to each other. He enjoyed camping and finding yourself in the wilderness, I love city life and plush hotel stays. He liked acoustic guitar, I'm obsessive about old-school hip-hop. And also the list goes on. When evaluating your summer fling, think about what you share. Have you got similar values and worldviews? Have you got a similar lifestyle? Lastly, where do you each see this relationship going?
- Can you talk openly about the relationship?
If you're not sure in which the connection goes, probably the most straightforward reaction you can have is ask the other person. Open communication is key in serious relationships. If the other person clams up whenever you try to speak with them about the future or attempts to get out of the conversation by saying something non-committal –like they're “not into labels” — well, then you've all the details you need. However, if you can to talk about your feelings where situations are headed, it could imply that there's potential to transition into some thing serious.
- Are you willing to go the distance?
Summer flings often provide an expiry date because of geographical complications. Maybe one of you is only in town for that summer or you met on holiday. In either case, if you are likely to transition into something more than the usual fling you need to have a discussion about whether either of you would like to stay in a long distance relationship. Finding yourself in a LDR is easier said than can be done and you both have to be prepared to go all the way (literally) to make it work.
- Do you really see yourself in a relationship with this person?
When I had been younger, I did previously think that if I liked someone and started dating them, your best option would be a serious relationship. So, I'd try to make it work with people that should have just stayed in the fling category. However, now I realize there are all sorts of connections for various seasons in your life. Are you able to envision using a more serious relationship with this particular person? When the answer is no, there's absolutely nothing wrong with this. Appreciate the knowledge and allow you to ultimately move on.