You've tried it all: cried. Raged. Binge-watched Veronica Mars (again) while eating your bodyweight in pizza and Krispy Kremes. You've now reached the purpose in your breakup where you need to move forward. You're after what we all really miss after we've had our heart broken: closure.
Jeffrey Sumber is a licensed professional clinical counselor. As he describes for Her Campus, closure is “a mutually agreed upon experience where both people leave with resolution or peace. Both parties can leave with a feeling of finality.”
However, wanting closure and actually getting it are two various things. Here are a few expert tips that will help you move on from the breakup.
- Allow you to ultimately feel all the feelings.
Breakups suck. However, you're not going to be in a position to move forward away from the pain if you immediately shove it aside under the guise of “moving on.” Hurt, sadness, anger, disappointment — these are merely a number of the common feelings that breakups have a tendency to bring up. Whatever you are feeling, acknowledge it and provide yourself permission to feel it. If you want an entire week to weep or watch Netflix, get it done. Have it out of your system. It is the best way you will be able to release those feelings and extremely, truly move on.
- Take space on your own.
In my experience, it's much harder to get closure after a relationship if you're still texting one another all the time or creeping on their own social networking accounts. Even if the breakup ended on good terms and you want to stay in touch with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you have to create some space following the breakup to heal, rebuild and adjust to your brand-new single reality — and so does your boyfriend or girlfriend! This could mean taking a break from contact or temporarily disconnecting them out of your social networking.
- Return or get rid of something that reminds you of these.
Still have their sweatshirt? Send it back. Tired of looking at that hideous throw pillow they gave you for Valentine's? Provide away. As needed, possess a breakup bonfire in which you get rid of old love notes and mementos permanently. Even if you're still on good terms and wish to keep some mementos of the relationship, they don't need to be in the forefront in your lifetime. Collect and pack them somewhere safe. Getting your ex from sight whenever possible helps keep them out of mind.
- Write your ex instructions — and never send it.
A great way to move past your emotions would be to write all of them down in an imaginary letter for your ex. Tell them just how they made you are feeling. Document everything. Then, instead of sending the letter, tear it up or toss it into that breakup bonfire. Even if no one ever reads what you are saying, the act of getting your feelings down and releasing them could make you feel better.
- Forgive yourself.
It's very easy to beat yourself up after a breakup. I designed a bad choice. I selected somebody that hurt me. Why didn't this coming? Have these thoughts (it's normal!), acknowledge them after which forgive yourself. In fact, go a step further and provide yourself a mental high-five. The connection may not have worked out, but you put yourself out there and took a chance on love. That's brave.
- Create your own closure.
People talk about closure like it is something that one person gives another. I used to think that the exes who wronged or rejected me somehow owed me closure, but that is simply not realistic. You ought to get comfortable with because you may never have an apology or any kind of closure from your ex. More often than not, you have to create it yourself. This starts by acknowledging your feelings and making plans to beat those feelings so you can find a host to peace. Live your life well and would you.