Unless you have been living under a rock forever of August, no doubt you've realized that the aisles of the local CVS once restricted to enormous amount of sunscreen, flip flops and beach-balls, have been eliminated in favor of jumbo packs of mini sweets and witch hats. Halloween is simply nearby and we're here to talk about a brand new dating term that's much more terrifying than the usual haunted house.
We've all heard about ghosting (the act of dumping someone simply by disappearing with no trace – just like a ghost). As though ghosting wasn't bad enough by itself, there's now a brand new phenomenon to understand: zombieing. Basically, “zombieing” happens when a dating “ghost” returns in the dead (usually with a carefully crafted, “hey, u up?” text.) Should you failed to block their number once they ghosted you first of all, you're now faced with needing to evaluate which related to somebody that is kinda sorta but maybe not making an effort to be in your life again. Do you respond? Would you ignore them? Or would you lop business brains with a chainsaw, machete, or samurai sword so they don't bother you anymore? (Please don't do the 4g iphone.)
When I encountered my very own zombie situation captured, I didn't get sound advice either. About 6 months prior, I had met what I thought was the perfect guy. He was handsome, charming, ambitious and that we had great chemistry. We dated casually, seeing each other a couple of times per week, until one day he stopped returning my texts. I did not listen to him FOR 79 DAYS.
On the 79th day, he reached out with a “hey, how are you?” text. He desired to hang out. He had a nice wine bottle that he'd “love to share with me.” If the had been five months ago, I'd have jumped in the opportunity to have (what was likely) a hook-up with this particular man I was totally ga-ga for. But over the 2+ months that had passed, a lot of those warm and fuzzy feelings have been replaced by frustration or anger. So, instead I gave him a response that – if we're being completely honest – I'm still really happy with. I told him that I was surprised to listen to from him and while it might be nice to determine him, I'm looking for something a little more serious than he's able to offer. He never wrote back.
UNTIL 58 DAYS LATER. This time I agreed to him and that nice wine bottle. However, when date night rolled around he was nowhere to be found. Thus, proving my point that although zombies come and go, ghosts are forever.
But these situations are tricky. You will find often feelings, wine cravings and a pesky little thing called hope involved. If you're not sure how you can react to a spook, here are some things to bear in mind.
Did they apologize?
If they didn't sincerely apologize for their initial ghosting, this shows that other product respect or understanding for the feelings. No response required.
How did you leave things and how long has it been?
Was the connection beginning to peter out and/or arrived at a natural end or did they literally disappear from nowhere (like buddy boy above)? Has it been months or just a couple weeks? How well did you know one another? Why are they trying now? These are all queries you need answered in the event you decide to respond. While ghosting isn't cool, there is a massive difference between ghosting someone you've only been speaking to online for some weeks and literally disappearing on someone you're actually inside a relationship with.
Do they have a reason why they ghosted?
Did something serious happen, just like a death in the family, an illness or some major personal challenges that they're now prepared to open up about? Or perhaps is their explanation vague, at best? Case and point: the guy I pointed out above said he was “in a weird place” whenever we were dating, but has become inside a “better place.” Sir, what's this area you talk about? If someone disappeared on you, they ought to at least have an explanation as well as an apology. However, be skeptical associated with a explanation that seems too much fetched. When the show Catfish has taught us anything, it's that individuals who're always getting “kidnapped” are most likely hiding a few things.
What was the connection prefer to begin with?
Was getting together with them fun and stress-free or did dating them cause you to feel on edge, as if you never knew in which you stood? The latter sounds familiar, be very cautious with replying. What happened before is probably going to repeat itself. If the relationship felt shaky and like these were always near ghosting you, that's probably not likely to change just because they've “come back in the dead.”
What do their actions say?
If you choose to provide a zombie another chance, focus on their actions. Are they doing things differently the second time around? Or perhaps is the connection basically one big deja-vu? Just because someone says they're ready for any relationship with you does not mean they're ready to do what it takes to make that the reality. After your day, actions always speak louder than words.