Has someone recently accused you of playing hard to get? Most.
I was once the kind of person who had been ridiculously accommodating with everyone I dated. Get together for any drink at 11:30 pm with 15 minutes notice? Sure! Tallying to some date, despite the fact that I curently have plans with someone else (cue: massive re-arranging of dating life)? Yeah sure! Go on a Kayaking trip, even though you haven't been in a kayak (nor ever wish to) since the person who's asking is cute? Take it on!
While I told myself I was #livingmybestlife, in reality, it had been exhausting. By serving everyone else's needs, I ignored my own, which often were as simple as, “I need a quiet night alone aware of my cat.”
I've since started to be a lot more stringent with my own personal boundaries. I keep your plans I've with friends, I believe that yes to dates when it's a passionate, massive two thumbs up “yes!” and that i take care of myself. Consequently, I feel like I've way more treatments for my dating life. I additionally feel more present using the people I date after i decide to interact and hang up out with them.
The thing is, you need to want up to now someone who sets appropriate boundaries in their love life. This means they respect themselves and also have their stuff together.
However, the irony is that by setting personal boundaries in my sex life, I've become that girl who “plays hard to get.” It makes sense – playing hard to get and having boundaries sometimes appear eerily similar. At first glance, it's easy to mistake someone who is just looking after themselves for a game player.
Not sure if the person you're dating is growing rapidly playing games or setting boundaries? Here are a few things to consider.
When they are saying they're busy, this means they're actually busy.
As somebody who has lots of personal boundaries, when i state I'm busy, this means I'm actually busy. I've been down the route of cancelling plans to be able to spend time with a romantic interest also it always leaves me feeling like a jerk. I don't want to be the kind of person who sells out their friends just to day someone I've met on the internet. My friends and also the activities I actually do on a weekly basis make me happy, so I'm going to honor that. Sometimes, though, I just require a night at home to relax and appear after myself. So, I'd rather let you know I'm busy than make intends to get together, knowing I won't be my best self.
How to inform the main difference from game playing: if I'm busy during the time you suggest, I'll usually suggest an alternate time. Remember: I still wish to spend time, however it needs to be at a time that feels good for both of us.
They're not really a tease, they just do not want to sext with someone they are not inside a relationship with.
You understand what I'm over? Sexting and sending sexy photos to a person I'm not even just in rapport with (or haven't even met yet!) Although I've definitely done this previously (no judgments here,) when i have more secure within my own boundaries, it simply feels like too much, too early. I recieve that you are “a visual person,” however i have no idea you. Not necessarily. That does not cause me to feel a prude or perhaps a tease, it just makes me somebody that actually really wants to get to know you before taking items to a higher level. Contemplate it a compliment.
They be truthful if they are uninterested.
A key sign that someone is playing games? They string you along, breadcrumbing you with only enough interest, but never coming to a plans. I did this in the past when I wasn't super thinking about someone, but didn't want to hurt their feelings. Since I have more boundaries, I will tell someone the truth when I am not interested and it feels so liberating. If a person is clear along with you that they're not interested in pursuing an intimate relationship, they are not playing to challenging, they are really being honest. Take them at their word.
They're not actually playing challenging.
Somewhere in the good reputation for dating advice, someone help with the concept that you need to “play difficult to get” in order to gain the interest of some other person. While there's definitely something to become said about not making yourself overly available, by playing challenging, your are just missing out. Aside from setting appropriate personal boundaries, one of the best things you can do for the dating life would be to give yourself permission to say yes when you wish to state yes. If a person seems legitimately excited to hang out, chances are they aren't playing games, they're just into you!