Just when you thought you had been completely fluent in the ever-changing vocabulary of dating buzzwords, there's a brand new one to increase their email list: Cushioning – or keeping in contact with a number of romantic prospects even though you're in a relationship.
Urban dictionary defines Cushioning as: “a dating technique where, along with your main piece, you also have several ‘cushions,’ others you’ll chat and flirt with to cushion the possibility blow of the main breakup and not leave you alone.”
From bread-crumbing (giving someone just enough attention to keep their hope of the relationship alive) and ghosting (foregoing an actual break-up in support of just disappearing from case to case you're dating – just like a ghost) to benching (keeping a possible love interest on “the bench” when you date someone else) and stealthing (removing a condom mid hook-up without telling your lover – shudder), cushioning is an additional addition to the growing plethora of trendy dating terms which are basically code to be a jerk to folks you date.
After all, at first glance, the act of cushioning – keeping other people flirtatiously on the hook while you pursue rapport with someone else – sounds nearly the same as emotional cheating. But, is cushioning all bad?
There are definitely some clear benefits of using a romantic back-up plan even while you're dating or in rapport with someone.
You have options if/when you break up.
Let's face the facts – breakups really are a major bummer. They can leave us feeling defeated and lonely. If you have some “cushions” in position, you're less likely to feel alone when you're dealing with your split. Instead, you've got a host of individuals you can flirt with and even perhaps start dating when you're ready to obtain back with that horse. In turn, it prevents your break-up from turning out to be the be-all-end-all-life-ending-catastrophe that breakups can sometimes seem like.
Some people like having a B-Team.
As no doubt you've heard millions of times before: you shouldn't put all of the eggs in one basket. If you have just started dating someone, using a some “cushion” between you and also that new relationship could be beneficial and may prevent you from obsessing more than one person (therefore, shooting yourself in the foot.) As one woman told The Tab, “When I really like a man, I find a 'B team' guy to keep on the side to channel my crazy,” she said. “I go on dates with him before I go out with A-team, literally like a practice round.”
It can be a nice ego-boost.
As almost as much ast we like to disregard this fact, flirting is part of human instinct. Many experts even think that some outside flirting can be healthy for any relationship because it reminds us that we are charming and sexy creatures – feelings we can then transfer back to our very own relationships. Even though you never plan on pursuing rapport with all of your cushions, the truth that someone would like to flirt with you is a fairly reminder that you are desirable which whoever you're dating isn't the only game around.
As another woman told The Tab, “Even today that we've [been] officially (and happily, might I add) dating for over a year, I'm definitely guilty of keeping the occasional guy around who so blatantly flirts beside me and would hop in at the chance-half because I don't mind the interest, but due to the fact if things didn't work out, I'm glad I know I'd possess a floating device when the ship goes down.”
But here's the thing about cushioning: her potential to go south really fast, resulting in hurt and disappointment for everybody involved.
It's dangerously close to emotional cheating.
In fact, it's unclear exactly where cushioning ends and emotional cheating begins. If you're still casually dating, there is something to be said about keeping your options open so you can meet as many different kinds of people as you possibly can before settling down. However, there is something decidedly icky about keeping in contact with romantic prospects once you are in a committed relationship. Just think of how you'd feel if you found out the individual you had been dating seemed to be still flirting with Bob, Ryan and Sharla, “just just in case.” It feels gross and wrong, right?
If you have to flirt with others to feel better about yourself, that's a problem.
Real talk: flirting feels pretty fantastic. If you are inside a happy relationship, sometimes it is simply nice to understand that others find you desirable (even if you never intend on acting on that desire). But, if you are continually searching for other romantic prospects and opportunities to flirt, you might want to sign in on your own, look within and perform some soul-searching. This may involve pressing pause on dating to determine the reason why you crave this kind external validation in the first place.
You're splitting your attention.
Relationships are a lot like gardens. If you would like them to flourish, you need to provide them with some TLC. The time spent flirting and checking up on other prospects is time and care you could be putting into your actual relationship. How are you likely to determine if it is the right relationship for you personally if you don't go all in? After all, it's unrealistic to think you'll get 100% out of your relationships should you also have one foot out of the door.