When you are looking at dating, we're taught that one of the worst things we can do is seem overly eager. Instead, we're asked to “keep our cool” to get what we want. It seems sensible. After all, there is something very enticing about the cool man or woman who doesn't seem to care some way whether you hit on them. Think, James Dean. I doubt you'd ever catch that guy begging a lady for a date. He's attractive because of his bad boy swagger and indifference.
However, if you're trying to connect with people online, there is a thin line between keeping the cool and being so aloof that you simply automatically turn people away. To be successful at online dating, you need to find a balance between keeping things light and breezy, while still revealing an appropriate amount of enthusiasm to ensure that potential dates know that you're actually thinking about, well, dating.
Not sure how to strike this balance? Here are some ways that embracing a little bit of indifference can actually last over time when it comes to online dating.
Understand that Carefree Doesn’t Mean Aloof
Online dating is a numbers game that usually involves lots of trial and error. Probably, you are going to meet a lot of people relatively quickly. A few of these meetings will become actual dates and some won't – and you know what? That's totally ok. You aren't meant to be seduced by everyone you meet online or date. Internet dating is going to be much more fun if you keep this in mind.
Instead of agonizing over every single interaction, wondering, “Where is this going?!” take a deep breath and relax. Sometimes the only place something is “going” is really a pleasant exchange of messages – nothing more. Say goodbye to worrying about what china pattern you might choose together and instead approach each message and potential date with the mantra, “This could be something or not” and respond politely. By embracing this mindset, you're going to open yourself as much as way more dating possibilities, while saving yourself unnecessary worry.
Make Them Want More
One from the scariest items to encounter when perusing online dating sites are people who share a significant amount of details about themselves way too soon. On every dating site, you'll find an array of TMI-oversharers who seem inexplicably eager to share all of the gory details about their last break-up(s), their troubled childhood or their sexual proclivities – all on their profile page. You shouldn't be this person!
If it isn't something you'd share with someone you simply met, it does not belong with an internet dating profile. Even though you may be eager to find a boyfriend or girlfriend, it is important that you don't seem desperate. Instead of saying, “I'm lonely and extremely want to meet someone that I can marry as soon as possible,” (because, that's type of scary!), focus on what you enjoy about your life and how another person could compliment it – for example, “I'm seeking to meet someone that I click with who shares some of my interests.” Remember: your online dating profile should be the trailer of what you are, not the feature film.
Keep Your Options Open
Online dating is growing rapidly a numbers game. Not every interaction will turn into something meaningful. You will see times when you're communicating with someone extensively, only to have them fall off the face area of the earth. Unfortunately this is actually the nature from the beast. So, with that said, it certainly is good to keep your options open and never get emotionally mounted on any of your potential dates until you've had an opportunity to get to know each other personally. Rather than concentrating on only one person from thousands, talk to several. Get to know people. Go out on a few dates. You might wind up clicking with someone you won't ever might have considered otherwise.
Although it is good to keep an open-mind when it comes to internet dating, here are some ways that being overly carefree can in fact shoot you in the foot.
1.Painting Yourself as the Bad Girl/Bad Boy
“Everyone loves a poor girl/bad boy!” Wrong. People are drawn to individuals who are confident, independent and, first and foremost, content in their own lives. If your profile says stuff like, “I don't even care if someone writes back to this. I'm just going to keep being awesome!” or “Don't write back if you aren't man/woman enough additional,” it basically says the complete opposite. This is when being “aloof” goes wrong. In turn, you simply seem jaded, unapproachable and sort of the jerk.
2. Failing to Take a Stand
Another good way to shoot yourself in the foot is when you are so indifferent and non-committal that you fail to tell potential dates anything about your personality. So, you're a “laid back individual that likes to laugh and is open to whatever comes their way.” That's awesome! NOT. You get that which you put out there. Should you say you have in mind “whatever” you'll get “whatever” back. Be specific about your interests. Tell people what you're about. Have opinions. Be truthful. This is actually the best way you are going to get rid of the people who aren't best for you so that you can satisfy the ones that are.
3. Not Creating a Move Whenever you Really Want to
Somewhere across the line it became uncool to “care” and show emotions. Guess what happens? That's BS. With regards to love, there's absolutely nothing cool about standing on the sidelines. If you like someone you've met online, question them out. If you don't make a move, alone who loses is you.