It's often necessity that we want our friends to like who we are dating. In case your friends are anything like mine, they are fully aware you better than you realize yourself. Because of this, I value my friends’ opinions. So, once they don't like someone I'm dating, it's troubling. Shall we be held missing a key sign this person is an overall total weirdo? What are they seeing that I'm missing?
True friends have your happiness at heart. Therefore, it's not surprising that a new study in Personal Relationships discovered that friends may support relationships they feel are making their friends happy. If your friends feel that you’re unhappy or your partner isn’t treating you well (or if they've noticed them not treating others well generally), it's worth listening to their perspective.
Whether it's a character flaw (i.e. the individual you're dating is consistently rude to waitstaff or they're constantly interrupting others to share lengthy anecdotes regarding their fantasy football league) or the proven fact that you just don't appear that happy if you talk about your relationship, friends tend to notice things before you do, or at best before you need to acknowledge them.
One of the things I really like about my closest friends is they always call out b.s. They do not always let me know what I want to hear, but they always tell me what I need to listen to.
But, let's say your friends just can't stand your partner because they're different? According to another study in the Journal of Family Psychology, same-sex couples, interracial couples and couples with large age differences tend to face more stigma than couples that don't fall in almost any of those categories. Unfortunately, some people are uneasy around people who are simply different than they're. It could also be that the person you're dating has opposite political, social or religious views. Additionally they might just look in direct contrast from compared to kind of people you usually date. If your relationship transpires with fall under any of the above mentioned categories, listen to your friend's opinions, but bring them with a grain of salt.
Ultimately, it's your happiness on the line. If you are truly happy in a relationship, eventually your friends will come around. When they don't, well, they probably weren't so good at being your pals to begin with. Remember, while your friends have your best interests at heart, they might not have the ability to reconcile certain differences, like your partner's different political views, for instance. But they're not the main one dating them. You are. If it works for you, that's all that matters.
So, how can you tell whether your friends’ concerns are justified? Get specific. Ask them exactly what it is they don't like about this is person. If they say something similar to, “they're just too different from you,” probe deeper. Without getting defensive, ask them to clarify what they mean. Could they be reacting this way since your new love interest has green hair and a face tattoo or could they be legitimately concerned about your safety due to something your date said or did (like that time they saw him/her beating in the chef in the back alley behind your local Chili's.)
Ask your pals what can have to change to allow them to much like your new partner. If it's something similar to, “Change his hair and get those tats removed,” it might you need to be a problem of personal preference that your friends will ultimately overcome once they see the relationship running smoothly. However, if their problem is something similar to, “I wish they'd be more respectful individuals and other people” or “They're always making you cry and it worries me” – you might want to hear them out.
Love can be totally blind. At the minimum, keep the friends' observations in your mind and find out if you notice anything when you're spending time with this individual. If it turns out your pals are right, they're sure to be there to help you choose up the pieces.