When you receive divorced and you have children, it's very common for the relationship with your kids to change. Spending less time together and residing in separate homes may cause you to definitely drift apart if you don't place in extra efforts to stay connected.
If you're in the position of being economical time together with your children carrying out a divorce, these are a few of the ways that you can stay connected:
1. Perform a hobby together
When you're spending a restricted amount of time with your children, it is really essential that you place the time for you to use and spend quality time together. If you don't already have a shared interest or hobby, you should try finding one that you may enjoy doing together, something which bonds you.
2. Be persistent with your efforts
After their parents divorce, children often go through a very confusing period and they might believe that one parent is at fault for the divorce and might be protective of the other one. They may also be hearing negative things about you against your ex-spouse, so it's important to not let this dictate your future relationship. Should you keep investing in the effort to visit your child and show just how much you love them, they should be in a stronger position to re-build the connection with you after they cope with the confusing period.
3. Make them feel in your own home in your home
If you move right into a new property, try to get the children as involved as you possibly can, letting them choose furniture and hang up their own room if possible. Let your child choose how their room is decorated and discover other ways to get their input so that they feel at home once they come to visit.
Putting up photographs of you with your children around the house will also enable them to feel more both at home and also act as a visual reminder that they are your most important.
4. Don't introduce new partners early on
If you meet a brand new partner, don't rush into introducing your children for them. Even if you're confident that the connection is going to last and that your children will enjoy your brand-new partner, your children might feel threatened from your new relationship. If you do decide to introduce a brand new partner to your children, make sure that you still spend sufficient time with your children whenever your partner is not there.
5. Keep a routine
Wherever possible, try to keep your routine together with your children as consistent as you can, so that they know when they are seeing you and also don't cancel plans if you can cure it. Your kids need as much stability in life as you possibly can following their parents' divorce when they're experiencing lots of changes. If you arrange to see your children on random days, with no pattern, this takes some stability from them.
6. Possess a consistent parenting plan
Try to help keep the rules and routine each and every parent's house as consistent as possible, for example rules around bedtimes, screen time, curfews and any other rules your kids have grown track of. If children have different teams of rules with each parent, it may be confusing and can lead to arguments and often it may be the source of behavioural issues. As a parent, you ought to be working together to set rules which are in position for the child's welfare, even if you are living in separate homes.
Children will sometimes attempt to convince one parent the other allows them to go to sleep later or provides them more pocket money, or allows them to choose their own meals etc. to determine what they could possibly get away with. Even if you're not on good terms together with your ex, you should try to communicate regularly about decisions around your children's routine.
7. Don't criticise your ex
If divorce has ended acrimoniously, it can be difficult to stay on good terms with your ex but saying negative things about them to your children can make the problem a lot harder for them to cope with. When you are with your children, try to avoid referring to your ex if you are worried that you might say something negative. Your children need to know that they are loved by the two of you and they don't need to know details that may potentially hurt them or confuse them even more.
If your ex is making it hard for you to see your children then this can be very frustrating but don't react in front of your kids. Instead, you should try using a professional mediator or even a family member who are able to help you to meet in the middle. If you're still struggling to come to an agreement regarding arrangements for seeing your children, you need to seek the advice of an experienced family divorce solicitor for example Brookman.
There will also be child contact centres you can use to help with arranging meetings together with your children without needing to see your ex, if you don't need to see them.
8. Keep communicating when you are avoid them
If your children are old enough to obtain their own phones then you need to be able to easily communicate with them without going through your ex. If this sounds like the case, ensure that you let them know you are looking at them and you are looking forward to the next time you're able to spend time with them. A daily phone call will assist you to keep active in what is happening in their life every day and also you won't lose out on significant news.
If your kids are extremely young to obtain their own phone, attempt to arrange together with your ex to talk to them or video call them at a time that's convenient.
9. Have open conversations together with your children
After your divorce, gradually alter keep having open conversations together with your children, to enable them to ask you questions and you can help them to understand certain details. You ought to be as honest as you possibly can without providing details that could cause them any unnecessary worries. You should try to form a relationship where your kids feel comfortable asking questions, and they ought to be comfortable with you asking them questions about their life.
10. Be the best version of yourself
Many fathers will find divorce emotionally challenging plus they begin to change their lifestyle, or they may feel angry about the divorce. Remember that you are setting an example for your children, even if they aren't coping with only you need to be the best role model possible.
If you are feeling angry or depressed concerning the divorce, try to sort out your feelings by talking to friends and family and making good lifestyle choices. Many men experience a decline in health following a divorce because of lifestyle changes and also the emotional stress of the divorce, so making the best choices will help you to keep the bond together with your children stronger. You will be able to spend more quality time together with your children if you're within the right mindset.
If you are experiencing your mental health, get support through friends, family or professional support such as speaking to your physician. If you're able to be happier, this can hugely benefit your children and your relationship with them.
11. Create new traditions and memories
Try to visit your life following the divorce like a new chapter where one can build up lots of amazing new memories with your children. You are able to plan adventures and begin up new traditions for example having a movie night when they arrived at stay. Make sure you begin taking photos of your experiences and get them printed off and away to put around your house to remind you of your very best recent memories together.
With a lot of changes happening with the procedure for a divorce, it's impossible to avoid some changes to the relationship that you have with your children. The key factor is that you are able to develop a strong relationship going forward, even in the various circumstances.
If a person suffers any setbacks just like your children hesitant to get together, attempt to think about the bigger picture and that it doesn't necessarily reflect their feelings towards you. As they age, they will understand many as long as you have consistently shown them that you love them and want to be in their life, you ought to be in a position to have a strong relationship as they age and become adults.
You may need to overcome lots of hurdles and difficult times but if you follow these 11 tips for staying associated with your kids, you'll have a far better chance of keeping a strong bond.