You’ve been chatting for a week, the banter is good, and you’ve agreed on Thursday. Before you go, spend five minutes on the boring part. It’s the same advice whether you’re meeting a man, a woman or anyone else, and whether you’re hoping for a one-time thing or something longer.
Before you go
- Pick a public place you know, like a busy coffee shop, bar or restaurant. Skip their apartment, your apartment and anywhere isolated for now.
- Tell a friend the plan: your date’s name, a screenshot of their profile, where you’re going and when you expect to be done.
- Arrange your own transport both ways, whether that’s your car, transit or a rideshare booked from your own phone.
- Charge your phone, and make sure your friend knows when to expect a check-in text.
If you haven’t already, a short video call before the date is the easiest way to confirm your match is real. Our guide to checking a match covers that and a few other quick checks.
At the date
- Keep your drink in sight, and if you lose track of it, get a new one.
- Know your limits. Alcohol affects judgment for everyone, including the person across the table.
- Keep personal details vague for now: your home address, your workplace and your daily routine can wait.
- Trust your read. If someone pushes past a boundary, even a small one, that tells you something.
Good move
Agree on a simple code with your friend. A text that says “How’s the dog?” can mean “call me with an excuse to leave.”
Leaving early
You’re allowed to end a date after 20 minutes. A simple “It was nice to meet you, but I’m going to head home” is enough. You don’t owe an explanation.
If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, tell a staff member; many bars and restaurants train their staff to help guests discreetly. Wait for your ride inside, not on a quiet street.
Afterward
Text your friend that you’re home. If your date crossed a line, report their profile through the app so the company can act. If something happened that you want to talk through, RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline is free and confidential at 1-800-656-4673.
Some behaviors are worth noticing even on a good first date. Our guide to early red flags covers the ones that tend to matter later.
To keep in mind
- Meet somewhere public and busy for the first few dates, and get there and back on your own.
- Tell a friend who you’re meeting, where and when, and agree on a time to check in.
- Keep your drink with you and pace yourself; switching to something non-alcoholic is always fine.
- You can leave at any point. A date that isn’t working doesn’t need a reason to end.
Asked often
Is it rude to ask for a video call before meeting?
No. A short video chat is a common way to confirm someone is who they say they are, and most people with nothing to hide won’t mind.
Should I share my live location?
Sharing it with a trusted friend for the evening is a good idea. Hold off on sharing it with the person you’re meeting until you know them well.
What if I feel unsafe during the date?
Leave, and head somewhere with people around. Staff at bars and restaurants can help if you ask. If you’re in danger, call 911.
This guide is general information, not medical, legal or professional advice. If you’re in danger, call 911. For confidential support, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or RAINN at 1-800-656-4673.
