Nobody thinks they’ll fall for a romance scam, which is part of why they work. The people who lose money are often smart, careful and lonely at the wrong moment. Knowing the script makes it much easier to see.
How it usually unfolds
- First contact on a dating app, social media, a game or even a “wrong number” text.
- Fast intimacy: constant messages, big compliments, talk of a future together.
- A move off the app to text or a private messenger, away from the platform’s fraud checks.
- Reasons they can’t meet, which keep changing but never resolve.
- The ask, often small at first, then larger.
The stories
| The story | Where it usually leads |
|---|---|
| Serving in the military overseas | Fees for leave, travel or a package |
| Working on an oil rig, a ship or a remote project | Money for equipment, flights or a frozen account |
| A sudden emergency, illness or arrest | Medical bills, bail or legal fees |
| A valuable delivery stuck in customs | Fees to release it |
| Success with crypto trading | An invitation to invest on a site they recommend |
The investment version deserves extra attention. The site may show your “profits” growing, and even let you withdraw a little at first. When you try to take out more, there are fees, taxes or excuses, and the money is gone.
The payment requests that give it away
Scammers ask for payment methods that are hard to trace or reverse: gift cards, cryptocurrency, wire transfers and payment apps. The FTC’s advice is simple: only scammers demand payment this way.
Safety note
Never send money, gift cards or crypto to someone you haven’t met in person, however real the relationship feels and however urgent the story sounds.
If you’ve sent money
- Contact your bank, card issuer or the payment service immediately and ask about reversing the payment.
- Report it to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov and to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center at ic3.gov.
- Report the profile to the dating app or platform where you met.
- Keep everything: messages, usernames, receipts and transaction IDs.
It isn’t foolish to have been fooled. These operations are organized, and many victims are targeted again by fake recovery services, so be cautious with anyone who contacts you offering to get your money back.
A video call and a reverse image search catch many of these profiles early; see how to check a match. Some scams use intimate images instead of love stories, covered in our guide to sextortion.
To keep in mind
- People reported losing more than $1 billion a year to romance scams in both 2022 and 2023, according to the FTC.
- Scammers build trust fast, avoid meeting in person and eventually ask for money, gift cards or cryptocurrency.
- An invitation to ‘invest’ in crypto with a new online friend is one of the most common versions.
- Never send money to someone you haven’t met in person, and report scams to the FTC and the FBI.
Asked often
They’ve never asked for money. Could it still be a scam?
Yes. Some scammers spend weeks or months building trust before money comes up, or they steer you toward an ‘investment’ instead of asking for help directly.
I’ve already sent money. What should I do?
Stop sending more. Contact your bank, card issuer or payment service right away, then report it at ReportFraud.ftc.gov and to the FBI at ic3.gov. Keep copies of messages and receipts.
Can I get my money back?
Sometimes, especially if you act quickly through your bank or card issuer. Be wary of ‘recovery’ services that promise to get it back for a fee; they’re often a second scam.
This guide is general information, not medical, legal or professional advice. If you’re in danger, call 911. For confidential support, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or RAINN at 1-800-656-4673.
