In casual dating you often meet people without mutual friends to vouch for them, and you see them in short, charming bursts. That makes early warning signs easy to miss. None of the behaviors below proves someone is dangerous, but each is worth taking seriously, especially in combination.
Too much, too fast
Being swept off your feet can feel wonderful. But constant messages, extravagant compliments, talk of soulmates after two dates and pressure to be exclusive right away can also be a way to make you feel indebted and to speed past your judgment. Healthy interest can wait for you to catch up.
Control dressed up as care
| Behavior | Why it matters |
|---|---|
| Wanting to know where you are at all times | Monitoring isn’t the same as caring |
| Asking for your passwords or going through your phone | Your privacy is yours, even in a relationship |
| Criticizing your friends or making plans hard to keep | Isolation makes control easier |
| Sulking, anger or guilt when you say no | Boundaries should be met with respect |
| Rules about what you wear or who you talk to | A partner isn’t a supervisor |
Pressure around sex
Pushing after a no, guilt-tripping, sulking or trying to get you drunk are all signs someone doesn’t take consent seriously. Our guide to consent and communication explains what respect looks like in practice.
Digital red flags
Watch for someone who insists on location sharing, installs apps on your phone or seems to know things you didn’t tell them. Both iPhone and Android phones can alert you when an unknown Bluetooth tracker appears to be traveling with you; don’t ignore those alerts.
Safety note
If you’re in immediate danger, call 911.
Getting help
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is free, confidential and open around the clock: call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org. Advocates help with safety planning, including leaving safely and dealing with tech-based monitoring. If something sexual happened without your consent, RAINN’s hotline is at 1-800-656-4673.
If you decide to stop seeing someone, our guide to ending things kindly covers how, including when it’s fine to simply block.
To keep in mind
- Intense flattery and pressure to commit fast, often called love-bombing, can be a way to gain control.
- Checking your phone, tracking your location or pulling you away from friends are warning signs, not romance.
- Anger when you set a boundary tells you a lot about how someone will treat you later.
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline is free and confidential: call 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.
Asked often
Is jealousy always a red flag?
Feeling jealous is human. Acting on it by checking your messages, demanding passwords or limiting who you see is controlling.
How do I end things with someone who makes me nervous?
Choose a safe way, such as a message or a public place, tell a friend, and consider blocking afterward. A hotline advocate can help you make a plan.
Could someone be tracking my phone?
It’s possible. If you suspect monitoring, use a device the other person can’t access to look for help, and ask a hotline advocate about tech safety.
This guide is general information, not medical, legal or professional advice. If you’re in danger, call 911. For confidential support, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or RAINN at 1-800-656-4673.
